We Should ALL Get Over It

Well, my last post produced a couple of comments that rather surprised me, but I’m not sure why I wasn’t quite expecting some (fairly mild, as it happens) dissent, even from people I respect.

I have, though, thought quite a bit about what was said and it was undoubtedly fair comment on what I wrote. So, I think that’s probably part of the reason – what I wrote wasn’t a very good explanation of what I wanted to convey.

That said, I’m not very sure I can do better, but I feel the need to try because it does quite upset me that women should ever feel threatened in the way that they often apparently do and also that men should behave in some of the ways that women complain about and be so disrespectful to others (male or female) as they seemingly frequently are.

Firstly, let me say that all this is, in my view, simply symptomatic of much of life today and the US in particular (with the UK following closely behind – as usual) seems to me to be becoming daily more confrontational. That may be just an impression I get from the news and TV, but it seems to me to be true anyway. Also, much of this PC nonsense is encouraged by the litigation culture that has grown up and the only people that benefits is the lawyers who have fought tooth and claw to create it! I sincerely believe that, if it were only possible (and which it clearly isn’t), we really should toss out most of our current culture and start again with a much more enlightened and tolerant approach to almost everything.

The other things that I have to admit to are that I’m sure that what I see and the way I view things will be coloured by my, perhaps rather old fashioned, very English upbringing and the fact that, not being a woman, it’s very difficult to put my maleness aside and understand exactly where the women might be coming from here.

Nevertheless, to some extent that last sentence is my point! If a society doesn’t make the big deal about sex that ours do; if it’s just accepted as being amongst the most important and natural functions of humanity; if (as they are by quite a number of women) men are not expected to think like women and the differences between us are celebrated rather than complained about, then to my mind there is really only one problem left on this topic – the fact of women feeling (and actually being) threatened by men.

So we’re back to upbringing and education – I wouldn’t hit a woman, or try to force anything upon her physically, simply because I was brought up to believe that it is wrong and cowardly. Furthermore rape is something I just don’t understand at all, since desire from my partner is the biggest turn on to me and the converse is therefore also true – i.e. it’s critical to me and if the woman isn’t interested specifically and plainly in me, then she may be lovely, but she’s not for me any more than I am for her. I can’t say I would never be violent towards a woman because none of us can say “never” about anything, but I would absolutely hate myself for it if I were and I can’t imagine the circumstances in which I would behave in that way. I certainly hope I’m sufficiently adult and educated not to need to use violence towards anyone, unless I or someone I cared about was physically attacked, of course.

So that’s perhaps why I see what I see, but it’s also why I don’t understand any other way and believe in much less confrontational relationships between men and women than appears to me to be becoming the norm, which saddens me.

Hmm… that seems like another rambling expression of a lot of differing things to me, but it’s probably the best I can do for now 😉

Addendum: something else has occurred to me that I realise I didn’t make clear – I’m talking here about people who are at the very least acquainted with each other and not total strangers. I cannot recall ever hearing the cat-calling that some commenters mentioned, not even in the UK (though I’ve certainly heard OF it there), so I guess I must’ve just been lucky.

2 Responses to “We Should ALL Get Over It”

  1. Ahhh, your addendum cleared it all up. If you’d led with that yesterday, your post would have gotten a different comment from me. 🙂 These Mars/Venus issues can be difficult to write about! You do a good job of it.

    Sexist comments, double entendres, etc between people who know each other well, are no different to me than when I call my best friend an assh***.

    It’s when they come from people who are strangers or barely know each other that I feel it crosses boundaries and can seem threatening/offensive.

    The word ‘rape’ is a hot button for me – not the way you wrote it, just the word itself. Rape is not a sexual act. It’s an act of violence. Chilling.

    • Thank you for the understanding. Yes, I’d realised I didn’t explain myself well, as I said, but I couldn’t quite figure out why and then, re-reading it all again, it occurred to me what one of the principal things was that I’d not said.

      Then again, perhaps that’s part of the charm on this island, huge numbers of people all seem to know, or at least be well acquainted with, and acknowledge each other. It makes for a very friendly society. People just talk to each other. I don’t know how the US is, but that mostly just doesn’t happen in the UK.

      As to the question of rape, I think that’s something I’ll try to post about at some point because , although it’s something incongruous to me, there are many different crimes (mostly against women) that are classed as rape. They all have a sexual content of sorts, but the motivation varies enormously from straightforward, though cowardly and often twisted violence to the “statutory rape” charge over a consensual act between a (just) adult and (just minor) – i.e. just over and just under the “age of consent” which is something else I think is a bit arbitrary too. Yes – chilling and revolting indeed in its worst forms.

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