Archive for feminism

I Know It’s Fantasy

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , on November 20, 2011 by AF

…or fiction, or part fiction and part reality, or whatever, but a post on Red Mojo Mama’s blog was on a subject that I tend to mention from time to time – all right then, it’s something I keep banging on about ad nauseam.

The excellent and humorous post (which you can read in full here) was a record of the usual highly entertaining conversation between her fictional character and herself, but in spite of the charming tone of the piece (just like most of her writings), she was making what I think is a very serious point.

I’ve often wondered exactly why it is that (as a generality) women do seem to “need” a man or significant other in their lives in order to somehow feel complete, or they believe that they (or others) should do so. I have made the point in the past that many a female’s bio is written along the lines of, “I’m a wife, mother, sister. I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful son/daughter/both. I live in Bogtown USA (or wherever)… oh and by the way I’m an author/rocket scientist/brain surgeon, etc.”

Why do women do that? Why is it not sufficient and far more important to say something more like, “I’m me. I’m wonderful (on a good day). I’m an author/rocket scientist/whatever”? She may then, it’s true, wish to add a little more detail by saying, “Oh and I have/don’t have children I’m married/have a nice partner/occasionally enjoy myself with a significant other”, but that’s surely secondary to what she is herself, isn’t it?

I admit that it’s a bit less common than it was a few years ago when almost all women rarely seemed to even mention publicly what really mattered about them, or to them, but they still often do behave in that far too selfless fashion nevertheless. Is it the maternal instinct that drives them to care more about others than they do about themselves? Or is it the historical male domination of society that has left women with the feeling that their mission in life should and must be to please some man – all the damn time? Or is it something else?

I’m not championing strident, bitchy, uncaring women here – unending loud belligerence is unattractive whatever a person’s gender – but rather the idea that a quiet confidence is vital because it gives women that inner strength of knowing who they truly are as individuals and therefore what they want, totally independent of any outside others they may care about and want to please and enjoy from time to time. To turn an old English saying around: what’s good for the gander, is absolutely bloody fine for the goose!

Okay then, go ahead and satisfy my masochistic tendencies by tearing my argument to pieces.

;)

Free Women?

Posted in People, Society and Politics with tags , , , , , , on October 11, 2011 by AF

I’ve vacillated almost endlessly, unable to decide whether to post this, or not. I suspect some people I respect will misunderstand me or my intentions. In the end, though, I’ve decided that I should stop being a coward and say it, right or wrong, so here goes…

For once I want to be serious. Jeez! I know! It doesn’t happen very often, does it? Look out for a blue moon tonight and watch out for the odd flying pig too.

However, to my mind, the question mark in my title does say a great deal about the subject of this post. Are women free, or liberated these days? Well, particularly in some cultures, just as was true thousands of years ago, some plainly are. Also, it’s perhaps a far greater proportion now than it once was during recent centuries – in the West at least. But I have to admit that I don’t think that most are all that free at all.

Then again, some would argue that relatively few people of either gender are free in any real sense of the word, but I suppose the question most women would really be asking is: are women today at least as free as their equivalent men of today? I suspect the answer to that question when asked in general terms is still a resounding NO.

Before I attempt to explain why, I ask you to please take a good look at a great article from a clever and talented lady. It makes some entirely valid and well argued points. It’s also something with which I entirely agree in principle at least. Conversely, I almost totally disagree with it as well, on a very different level.

I know – that’s as clear as mud, isn’t it? I guess I’d better pause here whilst you go for a quick read of the excellent article right here

Done? Okay then. Now, if you’ve looked at the post in the link, then I hope you’ll understand when I say that I can’t disagree in the slightest with the sentiments at least and that I think all the behaviour and phrases quoted are clearly of an unpleasant nature (certainly when used publicly) and not a way in which I hope I would ever regard or behave towards any woman. Nevertheless, the comment quoted as being from Charlie Sheen (for instance) only serves to demonstrate that he apparently knows practically nothing about real women and very little about sex either, but then some people have extremely limited imaginations. In any event, he’s only playing up to the role he’s picked for himself (or that has been picked for him) in the eyes of his ‘fans’.

Equally, I should point out that it’s not all one-sided and I don’t much like the way some women refer to men and stereotype them either, but (as the rather graphic saying goes) shit happens and I’m not going to lose any sleep over it, or dignify people like that by giving a damn about them – they are what they are – usually rather stupid and pretty ignorant, in my opinion.

The simple and absolute fact is that some men hate women and some women hate men. No one can change that truth by legislating, or complaining, or anything else (unless you’re prepared to shoot them of course), because they think what they think and every time you highlight their behaviour, you simply increase their importance. Most people are not that pathetic, so why would you care about a stupid minority of insignificant jerks? Marginalise them and they and their ilk will eventually become almost invisible.

There are women’s issues that desperately need to be addressed, such as equal pay for equal work and real equality of opportunity regardless of gender, though childbirth is a factor to be considered in some cases, whether anyone likes it or not. This post is not the place or occasion to discuss the subject in detail, but these days and for most women, the decision to bear children is just that – a choice. I can see no reason whatsoever why an employer should be forced to manipulate reality in order to try to ensure that such a choice does not affect the career prospects of the individual. I believe that positive discrimination is just as evil as negative discrimination.

All that said, although I write fiction, there is a recurring theme in much of what I produce, particularly in my sci-fi stories and it’s that most women of the future are strong and liberated. In my tales, whatever their individual hang-ups and insecurities, future women have largely achieved equality and even superiority at times by one simple means – as a gender, they DON’T GIVE A DAMN what any man thinks! Of course, I’m not talking about personal relationships, those are always excepted, private and should be what suits and is developed by the individuals involved for themselves. Outside of that, I’m a passionate believer in the equality of women, but I’m also sure that they’ll never achieve it if they remain dependent on men being nice to them, frequently not saying what they think and allowing it to occur because it’s some kind of decent thing to do. It simply won’t happen!

Men don’t care much what women (as a whole gender, rather than as individuals) think of them, but women on the other hand are all too often demanding that men in general should view them differently from the way they do. That is not only unrealistic and doomed to failure, it’s a dreadful weakness and they will not succeed in achieving their goals until they manage to move on from that and cast off the shackles of such limiting ideas.

So, there you go. I say again, I think the article in the link is superb, but I do think it also highlights a weakness in the female cause. That, for what it’s worth, is my opinion. Still, no one ever took much notice of my views in the past, so I can’t imagine that anything will change significantly on this occasion.

:|

For Once I Should Be Serious

Posted in People, Society and Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 29, 2011 by AF

It’s a serious matter and that makes me very wary of saying anything at all about it in public, but then it’s something that I abhor and feel very strongly about, so here goes…

The subject is rape.

In truth, it’s something I don’t really understand from a male point of view, because I have never really wanted to do anything to, or with, a woman that she didn’t want too – that to me is part (a very big part) of the magic of sex. I might on occasions have wished that a beautiful woman felt differently (or even bloody well noticed me, if I’m honest), but that’s light years from what we’re talking about here. Heck, we wish for all sorts of things - I wish I was George Clooney, but life can be such a bitch and so I’m not.

However, recently, there has been considerable anger and debate in the UK over a statement made by our Justice Secretary, Kenneth Clarke, that some kinds of rape are worse than others, or words to that effect at least. I’m not even a fan of Ken Clarke as a politician and I certainly don’t believe in a justice system that worries more about the “human rights” of criminals and terrorists than those of their victims, or even of ordinary people. In my opinion the current trends have been utterly stupid political correctness gone absolutely loopy.

All that said, I do think Mr. Clarke has a point of sorts in this instance, if I’ve understood what he’s saying correctly. Rape, like burglary, mugging, domestic violence, murder and all the rest, is a fact of life – part of the human condition – whether most of us wish it were not so, or not. I do, though, understand (I think, at some level at least) how a woman can view all rape as equally awful and that any man who rapes should be castrated and left to rot in a hole somewhere – that is only natural. It’s exactly the same as a parent must feel about the driver of a car that kills their child – he (she) deserves all they get and much more. It’s murder! There should be no forgiveness! Right?

Looked at dispassionately, though, there are so many variables involved in any crime that we cannot make sweeping statements and lump all drivers who speed, or robbers, or even rapists together. All crimes of a broadly similar nature are not the same. A woman who goes out on a date and perhaps likes and finds her partner for the evening attractive, but he misunderstands all her signals and fails to uphold the most basic of rules – “no” means “NO!” – will (in the short term at least), be just as horrified, hurt, disgusted, even traumatised, by this man’s abhorrent behaviour (of which he will hopefully be utterly ashamed in the cold light of dawn and increased sobriety), as any other rape victim.

Yet that situation simply cannot, in my opinion, be regarded in exactly the same way as the evil, twisted bastard who stalks a woman (or grabs her randomly off the street) and then subjects her to a litany of brutal and degrading physical, sexual and mental humiliation usually designed specifically to satisfy his hatred of women and to sadistically break and demean her and probably traumatise her for life. Such acts actually have little to do with sex at all (and more to do with inadequacies of the male involved) and there is a viciousness about such perpetrators that is surely disgusting to all decent people of both sexes and who I, frankly, believe deserve no mercy at all. To talk of human rights for such people as that is an affront to the rest of humanity and to the term “human” itself – they certainly should be thrown in a hole to rot along with paedophiles, mass murderers, youths who beat up old ladies for a few pounds and similar scum!

But a guy who gets too impassioned and looses his sense of judgement? No. He should be punished of course, because there’s no excuse and he needs a lesson that will remind him to be more respectful the next time, but to compare the two situations, or even all the variations in between those extremes is just plain foolish and (I think) does nothing to advance the cause of women at all.

Putting unequal crimes against women into one huge category is just as demeaning to all men as the male attitude that sometimes says all women are the same in bed in the dark – it’s not only wrong, it debases the decent people in society, who are, incidentally, in the vast majority, whatever some victims might have us all believe.

So… Go on, then – tell me why I’m wrong…  :(

So, What About Equality?

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 15, 2011 by AF

I know I’ve said something along these lines before, but this is one of my core beliefs, so I won’t apologise if I’m repeating myself somewhat here.

As long as I can remember (and that’s a real long time), I’ve wished most of the time that I had been born a woman. I don’t mean in a sexual sense because I’m very hetero, although I can tell you for sure I’d have been a millionaire by the time I was nineteen if I’d had a female body – but in this instance, I mean in terms of gender and all that goes with it.

There are of course, many types of women: nice ones, nasty ones, tall ones, short ones, fat ones, thin ones, in between and gorgeous ones who are very sexy that I’d like to get to know very, very… sorry (I told you – I’m entirely hetero), but I’m getting off the track again, aren’t I? However, the point is that, just as with men, the types you come across are as varied as the whole human race and probably most other species too, but the thing that makes women different (apart from the obvious physical bits), is their apparently natural ability and desire to socialise and above all to help one another.

Men just don’t do that – not like women do, at least. Take a straightforward example – BlogHer. It’s huge and growing all the time. I’m sure there’s some bitchiness and selfishness (of course there is – anything else would be unnatural), but the fact is that it works – and works simply because women are… well, women! Don’t believe me? Ok-aay… did you hear about BlogHim? No, nor me! A lot of women together is an awesome thing – damn scary, but still awesome! If you have a moment to spare, just take a peek at this blogger’s profile, here (and do watch the video – if it loads, because it’s a Blogspot site and Vista doesn’t seem to like it, but it’s worth the wait if you can manage it). Of course, men do conferences and so on, but I just can’t imagine this as an all male event anywhere.

So, I guess my question is: Why in heaven’s name would you girls want to be equal to men – you already have it all? Ours is a miserable existence by comparison. Sure, I understand there are issues over pay and stuff in some (many?) cases, but for God’s sake! You’re bloody wonderful! Why would you ever want to change that and just become dull and boring like the rest of us, or suffer the pressures that men invariably seem to place on themselves?

;)

You Need An Ego

Posted in Miscellaneous, Writing and Things Literary with tags , , , , , , , on April 15, 2011 by AF

It’s a fact that many quite good writers find it very hard to find a publisher for their work. What they create may be at the very least as good as many of the less famous novelists, scriptwriters and so on, but it’s easy to become famous, if you’re already famous, or infamous… if you see what I mean.

Creative people are often not at all good at selling – particularly themselves. Add to that, an author’s latest work is a sort of “Frankenstein’s monster” that they conceived and bore all on their own in a quite “unnatural” manner and they (probably subconsciously and quite naturally) want to protect it from the critical eyes of the world. Additionally, we also often tend to hide ourselves behind our characters and plots. But the truth is that we need to put ourselves and our work “out there” in order to have any chance of success. It’s a bit like going into a relationship – if we want it to succeed and last, we have to be prepared to be vulnerable.

However, I’m not just waffling as usual and there is a point to this post…

A while back, I wrote an item on women’s bios. If you’re interested (and I think if you’re a woman, you should be) take a look at it here

I’ve noticed that many women, in particular, who are serious about writing do seem to have a very different type of bio compared with those who are solely bloggers for the sake of it – not that I’m criticising that in any way – I’m just pointing out a difference. These women have much more of a “male” style of bio. They are (for example) a writer, scriptwriter, novelist, blogger, wife and mother, etc. So, there is a clear difference in the way in which they perceive themselves – they are first and foremost (to themselves) whatever their particular artistic talent is and someone else’s wife, or mother second.

I’m not suggesting for one moment that that makes them any less of a wife or mother, or that they don’t work extremely hard at their relationships, but their perception of “self” is (probably necessarily) different from other people and that makes them altogether more self possessed than others and, to my mind, they’re perhaps more liberated and that’s good, isn’t it?

In short, such women have an ego and they are prepared to let is be on show. Of course, I dare say they have their hang-ups just like the rest of us, but they just seem more able to rise above them.

It seems that, if you really want to write, you need an EGO (of some sort at least)…

;)

So You Want Him To Be Different

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags , , , , , , , , , on April 10, 2011 by AF

I do find the apparent attitudes of many on both sides of the sexual divide quite disturbing at times. Men and women both always seem to be whining about the other. What the heck do you people expect? People are the way they are – if you don’t like it, pick another who’s more like what you want…

It appears to me that there is, these days, often a male aggressiveness towards women that is more common than it used to be. There have, of course, always been men from all walks of life who have behaved brutishly to women and, whilst I personally abhor that, I’ve always regarded it as frequently resulting from an underlying inadequacy in the men themselves – an inferiority complex that they cover-up with violence. There are too, the control freaks, who exhibit a similar belligerence, but mostly on a psychological level. Yet that too, I believe, has its roots in a feeling of inadequacy within them. On top of that, of course, some men are just thugs!

Equally, though, many women want men to be what they call “more sensitive”, or more caring – more considerate. On the face of it, there’s nothing wrong with that, although women too, in both the physical and psychological sense have generally become much more antagonistic themselves and tend to be anything but the well behaved and even demure types they once were. That too is fine, but many take that to extremes and are often strident and exhibit personality traits that would be unpleasant in a man, but are (to me) downright ugly in a woman. Don’t get me wrong here, I love confident, strong and self sufficient women. I adore that they feel empowered and able to be themselves, but there’s empowered and there’s needlessly downright spiteful – the two are not the same and spitefulness too, to me, usually comes from underlying feelings of one’s own inadequacy.

However, all that said and in my opinion, it’s a feature of modern life that people – men and women – seem to have forgotten how to behave decently. I’m not using the word in its sexual sense – I’m all in favour of women in particular being as indecent as they like – please! But I do mean having consideration for another’s feelings and wellbeing. In other words (although I’m not religious) I think that “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, as we are instructed in the Bible, is a very good maxim by which to live. I know I’m probably paraphrasing, but then, as I said, I’m not religious.

The fact is that men and women do usually have entirely different priorities and concerns in their lives. Women don’t seem to me (as a generalisation) to want to believe that, but it is largely just a fact of evolution and I can’t see a damned thing wrong with it! For instance: some women will complain, “He doesn’t do his share of the housework.” That’s probably true of those who are not “new men” (thank heavens there are still some that aren’t), but then who is it decides what constitutes “the housework” that needs to be done? Right! Usually the “her” who’s bitching. If you go into an average single guy’s apartment, it’ll often likely be a mess. He just doesn’t “see” what most women will see, so what the complainant in this example is really saying is, “He doesn’t take his share of what I want done!” and that is something very different.

So, girls… we are different (thank heavens once again) and I have no problem with you wanting things to be your way, that’s your right and good for you – but, if that’s the case and your partner doesn’t feel the same, do it yourself! Stop complaining just because the whole world doesn’t see things your way, or else you’ll have to wait until your guy gets around to it (if ever), or go and find another male who’s a bit more timid.

Of course, if you’re wise, instead of bitching, you’ll deal: you want a sparkling house and help with that (or whatever else it is that’s all important to you and your guy doesn’t care much about) – fine, but he wants what he sees as a hot piece of ass – and that’s about it, usually! What’re you gonna do about that, honey?

Now… who’s going to be first in line to tell me how that’s all rubbish?

;)

You Know What?

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags , , , , , , , , , on February 21, 2011 by AF

I have a dream. A dream that, one day, men and women will live in peace and harmony – friends and lovers alike will share each other’s hopes and aspirations and celebrate their sexual differences with both excitement and understanding…

Yeah, right! And I dream I’ll win the lottery too, but that ain’t very likely to happen either, is it?

Now, as I might have mentioned on the odd occasion in the past, I love women – no, not just that aspect, although it is of course a factor – and I absolutely adore independent women. By “independent”, I mean truly self-sufficient females – not confrontational, or strident ones, because (male or female) those traits usually indicate those who are hiding the fact that they are really insecure and unsure of the very independence that I find most attractive in women. I love being with women. I love doing things with them – by that  I mean talking to them and listening to their points of view about many things, rather than just that, but once again, that too, naturally.

However, there’s one thing that I really prefer not to do with the female of our species – and that’s live with them. I just don’t think that men and women are actually all that compatible when it comes to things domestic. I’m not saying that my way of living is somehow right, because that’s rubbish. There is no “right or wrong” way to live anyway, but what suits me is unlikely to suit what someone I otherwise idolise and it seems one heck of a pity to spoil what is otherwise a beautiful relationship for the sake of staying in our own houses and meeting when we actually want to.

I’ve often thought about this and may have occasionally mentioned it too before… if I’m honest, I suspect that it’s more that I don’t want to share my space with anyone - male or female – but a woman’s way is often so very different from mine. If I’m feeling peeved and moody, another guy would probably understand that and ignore me, whereas a woman is likely to think there’s something “personal” about the fact that I just want to be left alone with my own thoughts. Equally, if you’re a woman, it’s likely that there are times when you’re only too glad to get rid of the guy in your life (assuming you have one – guy that is), because he’s in the way and a miserable old so and so today.

So, assuming they’ve managed to get over (or past) the genetically dictated, but utterly foolish, urge to rear a brood and all that stuff that, several years into the exercise, most of us have wondered why we started in the first place, I’m all for men and women living separate lives.

The snag is, I do like waking up in the morning with a warm and cuddly female in the same bed as me, but they seem to feel that this constitutes some kind of commitment…

…and I hate that word “commitment”. Why is it supposedly so desirable? More importantly, how do women manage to make such a ridiculous idea sound like some kind of virtue?

;)

Hot Or What!

Posted in Scandalous!, Writing and Things Literary with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 22, 2010 by AF

The girl sat down two tables away from me at the little outdoor café in the square. We were both clearly locals since we both chose to sit in the shade. Only tourists want to sit in full sun, shrivelling their skin in the hope that this time it will all be different from every previous occasion and they will turn that desirable coppery shade of tan they always wanted – instead of the blotchy red that actually occurs and then begins to peel round about the time they are due to return home.

That irrational belief in the triumph of hope over reality also pretty much reveals itself  in the choice of fashion and styles, as many foreigners seemingly religiously follow the latest trend regardless of suitability. One of the things I most like about it where I presently reside is that it is so cosmopolitan. If I sat in that café in the square for long enough, I swear most of the world would eventually pass by. So, people watching (as I love to do), I see some interesting sights whilst I am seated there, I can tell you – all sorts, shapes and sizes.

Now, many Spanish women are quite beautiful – often well proportioned with delightfully rounded figures that curve in all the right places, but the visitors, for whatever reason, all too frequently appear to me to be far less lucky with what God handed out to them in terms of physique, or is it down to the way they perhaps mistreat what they have? In fact, particularly with many of the Brits and the Germans, it seems to me that God (or maybe Ronald MacDonald) has just been far too damn generous, but that doesn’t stop them following fashions and trends with inconsiderate abandon.

I say all this to explain a smidgen of what sometimes tends to drift idly through my thoughts as I sit and, admittedly far too lazily, watch the world go by at that café in the square, or at a bar down by the beach, or almost anywhere else here in this superbly mixed and fluctuating society. But earlier today was different.

This particular young woman was quite tall and, though slim and nicely proportioned, she was hardly one I would have said fitted into the category of the perfect female form. She wore relatively little, as is the custom here and she had regular features with a mouth that was a little too large and very pretty brown eyes. Unlike many other Spanish women, her hair was cut fairly short and it was dyed mostly dark brown with a huge slash across the front in a deep, bright red!

That, sadly, is so typical of many frighteningly macabre casualties I observe amongst the dedicated followers of fashion, whilst I sit and slowly sip at my strong black coffee, or as was the case today, an ice cold beer – utterly unsuitable and damaging to an otherwise unremarkable body with features to match – except that, in this case, it wasn’t! This girl had style! She knew exactly what looked good on her and how the overall effect was absolutely stunning! Electrifying!

At that point, of course, she looked across and caught me staring at her. Oops! Immediately afraid she must surely know what I was thinking and that I was wishing I was perhaps thirty years younger, I tried to brazen out my foolishness and smiled somewhat sheepishly at her. My lust must have been written uncensored across my face for her to read, but she smiled warmly back at me with a friendly sparkle in her lovely eyes. Unsurprisingly, she was gently laughing silently at my desire, or my consternation, but it was a kindly amusement, indicating an acceptance and perhaps even approval of my appreciation of her charms. I was no threat, of course, she expected to be desired and she clearly enjoyed my admiration. And why not? It is what makes the world go round.

Shortly afterwards she finished her espresso and left. As she stood, she smiled once more in my direction and I raised my glass a little towards her in salute. I could swear she exaggerated the swing of her hips as she left, but that could easily just be part of my fantasy…

Speaking of fantasy, I have made several attempts to write a short story based on this experience, but each time I do that fantasy takes over and it degenerates into outright porn, so I’ve settled for an all too accurate account of my foolish behaviour. I suppose I could have made some effort towards prolonging our encounter, or gingerly tried to become a little more acquainted with this sexy, attractive vision, but it would surely only have destroyed that beautiful few moments of joy for me – and, who knows? Just perhaps it would have spoiled something fun and pleasing for her too…

Damn! There I go again!

I Wonder About Women

Posted in Miscellaneous, Scandalous! with tags , , , , , , , , , on April 7, 2010 by AF

Well, yes I guess I would wonder about women, wouldn’t I? After all, I’m a guy… However, the eternal, “God! She’s hot! What would it be like to…” well, you get the point I’m sure – that’s not what I’m wondering about women just at the moment… although there is this redhead…

Sorry, I’m getting off the point – well, in truth I haven’t actually got to the point yet, have I?

Sooooo-oo… considering all the razzmatazz there has been about women’s rights, emancipation, equality, freedom and all the rest, I have been quite taken aback this last week or so.

“How come?” I hear you crying out (that wasn’t a yawn, was it?)

Well, the thing is that I’ve been looking into Blogfrog recently (I joined heaven knows how long ago and have pretty much ignored it ever since because the widgets don’t work on WordPress.com – grrr!). It’s very interesting because, if you look for “friends”, it throws up a long list of people who it thinks match whatever you put about yourself in your profile. For some reason I can’t imagine, most of those it listed for me were women – go figure!

Anyway, Blogfrog displays a brief description of each blogger and the thing that surprised, indeed shocked,  me was the way the women had described themselves. I was stunned at just how many of them seemed to start with something like, “I’m a mom of two (three, four, five, a soccer team – whatever)…” or “I’m a wife and married to this wonderful superman…”

The point I’m making is that so many of these women (some of whom were very interesting and talented people when I went and read their blogs) seemed to define themselves in terms of the other people in their lives. I have people I love and care about in my life, but I don’t use them to define “me”. I am what I am. It’s no one else’s fault. I’m just me! Why do so many women see themselves only as someone else’s wife, mother, sister, friend, or even f*ck buddy? It’s what they do, not what they are!

It’s awful! To me, so many of them are such special people, why would they put themselves down in that way?

Men Don’t Understand Women

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , , , , , on January 20, 2010 by AF

But then women don’t understand men either and I do often wonder why it is that society currently chastises men for not being more “female like”, or at least female friendly, when it does little to scold women who seem unable to think like men – and like it!

I know that most of my regular female readers are much more open-minded than that, but it’s still a general truth. Take the “dirty old man” expression as an example: if it were to be changed to “dirty old woman”, there would be all sorts of accusations of sexism, ageism and heaven knows what else, but dirty old man? Nah! Not a peep!

Whilst we’re on that subject and since I’m getting older (much too quickly for my liking – where do the years just disappear to), I think it’s a pretty unfair slur on a lot of guys. That matters more to me than it otherwise might because I’m sure it’ll be said of me at some point in the future at least.

I’ve always (as I think some of you know) adored women and, whilst I just like talking, relating and being friends with them, some of them turn me on sexually and some don’t. I can’t help what I find physically attractive, it’s simply a fact of life – part of my make up – part of me! As I’ve also admitted, gorgeous and young, or gorgeous and older is only part of the equation for me and the eyes, the expression, the demeanour and body language are all important and the sulky, petulant look does nothing whatsoever to excite me. But that’s just me, right? Right! Anyway, fit is something that simply does it for me – and that means not too thin and not too fat, although size is hardly a factor, it’s just that fit usually results in exactly that sort of shape.

The problem is, as I might have mentioned way back, I’ve always found that fit thirty to forty year old women are the most likely to be attractive to me and that has never really changed. A decade or so might have been added to that over the years, but then women seem to keep their looks to a much greater age than they once did. Like the fat/thin thing, it’s not really the age, it’s the type, the look, probably the experience of life as well as love that does it for me – as well as the shape, of course.

When I was young, I suppose it could be that I was looking for the more mature, experienced woman. When I was in my middle years, it was pretty much women of my own age group that made me whistle under my breath, but now I’m older… well, I guess I’m becoming a dirty old man.

You know the worst thing, though? It’s probably that I don’t see myself the way young women at least must see me. I frequently look in the mirror in the mornings and ask my reflection, “What’s an old git like you doing in my f*cking bathroom?”

;)

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