Archive for feminine ability

I Know It’s Fantasy

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , on November 20, 2011 by AF

…or fiction, or part fiction and part reality, or whatever, but a post on Red Mojo Mama’s blog was on a subject that I tend to mention from time to time – all right then, it’s something I keep banging on about ad nauseam.

The excellent and humorous post (which you can read in full here) was a record of the usual highly entertaining conversation between her fictional character and herself, but in spite of the charming tone of the piece (just like most of her writings), she was making what I think is a very serious point.

I’ve often wondered exactly why it is that (as a generality) women do seem to “need” a man or significant other in their lives in order to somehow feel complete, or they believe that they (or others) should do so. I have made the point in the past that many a female’s bio is written along the lines of, “I’m a wife, mother, sister. I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful son/daughter/both. I live in Bogtown USA (or wherever)… oh and by the way I’m an author/rocket scientist/brain surgeon, etc.”

Why do women do that? Why is it not sufficient and far more important to say something more like, “I’m me. I’m wonderful (on a good day). I’m an author/rocket scientist/whatever”? She may then, it’s true, wish to add a little more detail by saying, “Oh and I have/don’t have children I’m married/have a nice partner/occasionally enjoy myself with a significant other”, but that’s surely secondary to what she is herself, isn’t it?

I admit that it’s a bit less common than it was a few years ago when almost all women rarely seemed to even mention publicly what really mattered about them, or to them, but they still often do behave in that far too selfless fashion nevertheless. Is it the maternal instinct that drives them to care more about others than they do about themselves? Or is it the historical male domination of society that has left women with the feeling that their mission in life should and must be to please some man – all the damn time? Or is it something else?

I’m not championing strident, bitchy, uncaring women here – unending loud belligerence is unattractive whatever a person’s gender – but rather the idea that a quiet confidence is vital because it gives women that inner strength of knowing who they truly are as individuals and therefore what they want, totally independent of any outside others they may care about and want to please and enjoy from time to time. To turn an old English saying around: what’s good for the gander, is absolutely bloody fine for the goose!

Okay then, go ahead and satisfy my masochistic tendencies by tearing my argument to pieces.


Need A Laugh?

Posted in The Blog Spy with tags , , , , , on October 12, 2011 by AF

Okay, I’m done with serious for a while (probably a long while) and I know I’m often in desperate need of a laugh myself – it helps to stop me bursting into tears after watching TV news and such like…

Anywaaaay – The Blog Spy has been about again and here’s an offering from a great blog. I do think this website is often just plain hilarious. There are quite a few writers who post there and this is an article by “unknownmami”, a very funny lady.

Naturally, as always, this might just be down to my quirky sense of humour, but I bet it makes a few of my readers giggle at the very least.

The blog is the excellent “Aiming Low” blog, which incidentally describes itself as “perfectly mediocre” (though it’s anything but, to my mind), and you can see the post that most recently amused me right here.

Take a cup of coffee with you when you go over there because I think you might find yourself browsing around there for a while, once you finish laughing at the post in question.

I hope you enjoy.


Free Women?

Posted in People, Society and Politics with tags , , , , , , on October 11, 2011 by AF

I’ve vacillated almost endlessly, unable to decide whether to post this, or not. I suspect some people I respect will misunderstand me or my intentions. In the end, though, I’ve decided that I should stop being a coward and say it, right or wrong, so here goes…

For once I want to be serious. Jeez! I know! It doesn’t happen very often, does it? Look out for a blue moon tonight and watch out for the odd flying pig too.

However, to my mind, the question mark in my title does say a great deal about the subject of this post. Are women free, or liberated these days? Well, particularly in some cultures, just as was true thousands of years ago, some plainly are. Also, it’s perhaps a far greater proportion now than it once was during recent centuries – in the West at least. But I have to admit that I don’t think that most are all that free at all.

Then again, some would argue that relatively few people of either gender are free in any real sense of the word, but I suppose the question most women would really be asking is: are women today at least as free as their equivalent men of today? I suspect the answer to that question when asked in general terms is still a resounding NO.

Before I attempt to explain why, I ask you to please take a good look at a great article from a clever and talented lady. It makes some entirely valid and well argued points. It’s also something with which I entirely agree in principle at least. Conversely, I almost totally disagree with it as well, on a very different level.

I know – that’s as clear as mud, isn’t it? I guess I’d better pause here whilst you go for a quick read of the excellent article right here

Done? Okay then. Now, if you’ve looked at the post in the link, then I hope you’ll understand when I say that I can’t disagree in the slightest with the sentiments at least and that I think all the behaviour and phrases quoted are clearly of an unpleasant nature (certainly when used publicly) and not a way in which I hope I would ever regard or behave towards any woman. Nevertheless, the comment quoted as being from Charlie Sheen (for instance) only serves to demonstrate that he apparently knows practically nothing about real women and very little about sex either, but then some people have extremely limited imaginations. In any event, he’s only playing up to the role he’s picked for himself (or that has been picked for him) in the eyes of his ‘fans’.

Equally, I should point out that it’s not all one-sided and I don’t much like the way some women refer to men and stereotype them either, but (as the rather graphic saying goes) shit happens and I’m not going to lose any sleep over it, or dignify people like that by giving a damn about them – they are what they are – usually rather stupid and pretty ignorant, in my opinion.

The simple and absolute fact is that some men hate women and some women hate men. No one can change that truth by legislating, or complaining, or anything else (unless you’re prepared to shoot them of course), because they think what they think and every time you highlight their behaviour, you simply increase their importance. Most people are not that pathetic, so why would you care about a stupid minority of insignificant jerks? Marginalise them and they and their ilk will eventually become almost invisible.

There are women’s issues that desperately need to be addressed, such as equal pay for equal work and real equality of opportunity regardless of gender, though childbirth is a factor to be considered in some cases, whether anyone likes it or not. This post is not the place or occasion to discuss the subject in detail, but these days and for most women, the decision to bear children is just that – a choice. I can see no reason whatsoever why an employer should be forced to manipulate reality in order to try to ensure that such a choice does not affect the career prospects of the individual. I believe that positive discrimination is just as evil as negative discrimination.

All that said, although I write fiction, there is a recurring theme in much of what I produce, particularly in my sci-fi stories and it’s that most women of the future are strong and liberated. In my tales, whatever their individual hang-ups and insecurities, future women have largely achieved equality and even superiority at times by one simple means – as a gender, they DON’T GIVE A DAMN what any man thinks! Of course, I’m not talking about personal relationships, those are always excepted, private and should be what suits and is developed by the individuals involved for themselves. Outside of that, I’m a passionate believer in the equality of women, but I’m also sure that they’ll never achieve it if they remain dependent on men being nice to them, frequently not saying what they think and allowing it to occur because it’s some kind of decent thing to do. It simply won’t happen!

Men don’t care much what women (as a whole gender, rather than as individuals) think of them, but women on the other hand are all too often demanding that men in general should view them differently from the way they do. That is not only unrealistic and doomed to failure, it’s a dreadful weakness and they will not succeed in achieving their goals until they manage to move on from that and cast off the shackles of such limiting ideas.

So, there you go. I say again, I think the article in the link is superb, but I do think it also highlights a weakness in the female cause. That, for what it’s worth, is my opinion. Still, no one ever took much notice of my views in the past, so I can’t imagine that anything will change significantly on this occasion.


I Can’t Get Close To Some Women

Posted in Writing and Things Literary with tags , , , , on October 10, 2011 by AF

Surprisingly (you might reasonably think), for once I’m not talking here about the fact that various desirable sexy icons from the world of celebrities don’t even know I exist (why would they?), or even about some failing that prevents me from forming meaningful relationships – on a bad day, I wish!

No, this post is actually a statement of my unbounded admiration for some (many?) successful female writers in particular.

As an example of this, take Molly Greene. To me, she and others like her are simply awesome. I cannot imagine how she manages the vast amount of work she appears to get through in an average day, month, year. Discussing building a following on Twitter (an excellent article that you can find here in full or just go to her blog and read everything she writes) as a way of gaining publicity and therefore increasing sales, she revealed a good deal about her ability to juggle life that amazes me. The same thing applies to the great friends she names in the article.

This is how she describes herself:

“Novelist, author, writer with an extensive real estate background. Has appeared in the National Association of Realtors® Magazine, the San Diego Association of Realtors® Magazine, Apartment Association magazines throughout California, Scotsman Guide, and Reader’s Digest. Author of the booklet “For Sale By Owner.” Mystery novel “Mark of the Loon” will be released late 2011. Currently working on a sequel, “Rapunzel.” Serial remodeler, rehabbed and sold six homes, several by owner, without an agent in purchase or sale. Currently remodeling number seven!”

Really? When the heck does she find time to sleep, eat, be normal? Come to that, when does she find time to write – anything?

I know that women are famously wonderful at multi-tasking and some of her better known author friends and others do frequently guest post (which must be a huge help – any offers?), but I can’t achieve anything close to that level of output. On top of that, I’m just a tad jealous of how well written, thoughtful and full of excellent tips and advice her articles are.

I guess the truth I have to face is that, as a mere male, I’ll never get close to women like Molly Greene in terms of work and, even if I did by some freak chance get close to one such as her on a personal level, she’d probably scare the hell out of me!

Ah, well… such is my lot, I fear…


So, What About Equality?

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 15, 2011 by AF

I know I’ve said something along these lines before, but this is one of my core beliefs, so I won’t apologise if I’m repeating myself somewhat here.

As long as I can remember (and that’s a real long time), I’ve wished most of the time that I had been born a woman. I don’t mean in a sexual sense because I’m very hetero, although I can tell you for sure I’d have been a millionaire by the time I was nineteen if I’d had a female body – but in this instance, I mean in terms of gender and all that goes with it.

There are of course, many types of women: nice ones, nasty ones, tall ones, short ones, fat ones, thin ones, in between and gorgeous ones who are very sexy that I’d like to get to know very, very… sorry (I told you – I’m entirely hetero), but I’m getting off the track again, aren’t I? However, the point is that, just as with men, the types you come across are as varied as the whole human race and probably most other species too, but the thing that makes women different (apart from the obvious physical bits), is their apparently natural ability and desire to socialise and above all to help one another.

Men just don’t do that – not like women do, at least. Take a straightforward example – BlogHer. It’s huge and growing all the time. I’m sure there’s some bitchiness and selfishness (of course there is – anything else would be unnatural), but the fact is that it works – and works simply because women are… well, women! Don’t believe me? Ok-aay… did you hear about BlogHim? No, nor me! A lot of women together is an awesome thing – damn scary, but still awesome! If you have a moment to spare, just take a peek at this blogger’s profile, here (and do watch the video – if it loads, because it’s a Blogspot site and Vista doesn’t seem to like it, but it’s worth the wait if you can manage it). Of course, men do conferences and so on, but I just can’t imagine this as an all male event anywhere.

So, I guess my question is: Why in heaven’s name would you girls want to be equal to men – you already have it all? Ours is a miserable existence by comparison. Sure, I understand there are issues over pay and stuff in some (many?) cases, but for God’s sake! You’re bloody wonderful! Why would you ever want to change that and just become dull and boring like the rest of us, or suffer the pressures that men invariably seem to place on themselves?


And Now For Something Completely Different

Posted in The Blog Spy with tags , , , , , , , on April 26, 2011 by AF

Hey! Yup, it’s the Blog Spy here again, but I expect you guessed that…

Anyway, that’s “different” in a good way – at least I think so. This site (and there appear to be lots of others written and/or controlled/edited by the same author) is very different from many. Excellent photographs mixed with great posts and a lot of poetry – some of which (like this one) I found to be very sexy – I wonder if that says more about me than this blog, or the writer?

There’s one heck of a lot to explore, especially if you click on all the blogs connected to (or part of – I’m not quite sure which) this one. It should keep you busy for a while, so I’d advise you to make sure you have an adequate supply of coffee before you start.

I’m not normally a great lover of poetry per se, but this selection here just does it for me… See? Never say, “Never!” about anything, eh?

Enjoy… 😉

Is It Just Me?

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags , , , , , , on April 23, 2011 by AF

I’ve wondered at many things over the years (too many years that is), but I was today reminded of something that is a recurring mystery to me. It started when Twitter (well, rather it was one of the interesting people I follow on Twitter) pointed me to an excellent article by a clever and witty woman who, me not being American, I don’t know.

Anyway, it was a good article highlighting the ridiculousness of discrimination – most particularly sex discrimination, but also on the basis of race, etc. It’s well worth reading, so why not take a good long peek here. I really enjoyed reading it and I thought it was funny, insightful and probably very accurate as well as important – and then, to me, at the very end comes this quote that brought my confusion flooding back… “As American social critic Elizabeth Janeway responded, “We haven’t come a long way; we’ve come a short way. If we hadn’t come a short way no one would be calling us ‘baby.'”

WTF is that about? Maybe it’s me (there’d be nothing new in that), but I’ve never understood why women would mind that – it’s like me getting all pissed off because some woman calls me “Honey,” or “Mister,” or even “Hey you.” Why would I care? It’s a whole lot better than “Sir” or (in the case of women) “Madam”, which authority endlessly seems to use in order to be offensive because it’s overly polite and yet we can’t prove that and so argue with it.

I mean – what is their problem? To me (as in this case) I read an excellent article that is very well written and, more importantly, tells it like it is and then the thing I’m left with is the feeling that women (in this case) can be so damned pompous. I know the disappointment is my fault because I have this rosy view of women and their fight for equality as worthy and in fact vital for all of us – men too – but still…

Perhaps someone can enlighten me, because I just don’t see this at all. Is it perhaps that there is some hidden difference between the UK and the US of which I’m not aware? I know we’re traditionally “divided by a common language” and maybe there is hidden meaning in this, but in my view, this is petty and just plain silly. Worse, it’s counterproductive.

Gonnakillhim on Twitter has explained that it may be that it somehow puts the user in a superior position over the receiver and I genuinely thank her for that explanation. I guess that’s probably right, but in my opinion that’s only in the mind of the person hearing it. If it is true (and it may well be, at least in America), then it raises another question for me – how the heck did people manage to get themselves into such a stupid situation? I mean, to me, women are great, definitely equal and the average women (whether she likes it or not) is better at some things than the average man and vice versa – what the hell’s wrong with that?

Why would it be some kind of a put down if I called a woman I was in conversation with “Honey,” or “Baby,” (which to me is just being friendly) instead of “Madam”, which I would only personally say if I really meant “…and f*ck you!” but wanted to avoid actually using the words.

Hey ho – sigh – rant over. But I would like to really understand – seriously!