Archive for technology

The Supermarket Doctor

Posted in Humour and Jokes with tags , , , , on April 3, 2010 by AF

One day, in line at the works cafe, Jack said to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I’d better go see a doctor!”

“Listen mate; don’t waste your time down at the surgery,” Mike replied. “There’s a diagnostic computer at that big new supermarket just outside town. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It only takes ten seconds and costs just five quid. That’s whole lot quicker and better than the doctor and you get loyalty card points, too.”

Jack was a bit sceptical, but reckoned it sounded like a good idea and was worth a try. So, he collected a urine sample in a small jar and took it to the supermarket. He deposited five pounds and the computer lit up and asked for the urine sample. He poured the sample into the slot and waited…

Sure enough, ten seconds later, the computer ejected a printout:

  1. You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity for two weeks and it should improve in that time.

Jack was amazed and went home to do as instructed. That evening whilst still thinking how excellent this new technology was, he began to wonder if the computer could be fooled. So, he mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter and ‘pleasured himself’ into the mixture just for good measure. Then he hurried back to the supermarket, eager to see what would happen.

He put five pounds into the machine, poured in his concoction, and awaited the results with a grin. The computer printed out the following:

  1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
     
  2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
     
  3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
     
  4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.
     
  5. And if you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow is never going to get better….

** Thank you for shopping at Super Supermarkets **

😆

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A Problem Solved? – Part 1

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags , , , , , , , on October 22, 2009 by AF

Well, not actually solved, but maybe altered, or lessened even. I guess I must be some kind of an idealist or something like that because I’m almost invariably disappointed by technology.

Take WordPress.com for instance – the hosts of this blog: WordPress is, in my opinion, a superb platform and in many ways superior to Blogger – BUT (and it’s a big but) they stubbornly refuse to allow their users to get into the mechanics of the thing. It’s true that you can do almost anything you like (supposedly) if you use it by downloading the (admittedly free) software from WordPress.org and installing it on your own host. But that’s the point, isn’t it? Your own host – which you not only have to pay for, but you also then have all the trouble of keeping up with new innovations, additions and upgrades. Sure, some hosts offer that service automatically too, but then they don’t seem to offer me what I want for my main website.

So, here I am, screwed again and disappointed as ever. Why is that? Why is it always like that? One version of a piece of technology offers great this, but if I want that I have to go to another manufacturer or supplier who offers that – sadly, though, they don’t offer this! Just why can’t I ever find it all in one place? Still, with some trepidation…

here is the new (experimental) home for Scandalous

However, The Peach Tart tells us she is into a period of “self reflection” in her post Would You Like You If You Met You? My answer to that scary question would probably be a resounding, “no”, but I’m not sure that’s particularly relevant. However, it has made me question all sorts of things, which I will explain in greater detail later.

In the spirit of trying to get my readers to follow me onto the Blogspot platform, part two of this post will be on the new site, but I’ll have to see what happens, because I don’t honestly like it all that much – considering the giant that has produced it, it’s a bit “clunky” to my way of thinking, to be nice about it.

PLEASE, take a moment to go there and tell me what you think about this right now over THERE on the new site