Archive for pseudo religion

An Open Letter To God

Posted in Chats With Big G with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 18, 2009 by AF

I really don’t want to incur your wrath, God – and I know you’re a busy guy, what with watching over so many of us – and some of us must seriously piss you off at times! I mean there are all these wars and famine and stuff going on and what’s Fox News’s main concern? Some black guy’s birth certificate! I mean – pleeeease!

I know you must be busy, but...However, like I said, I know you’re busy with all this day to day mayhem as well as all the stuff I can’t comprehend too. But talking of that – and please don’t get upset if I’m speaking out of turn, I mean: just say if this is none of my business… Well, there is this thing that keeps on nagging at the back of my mind and it’s sort of confusing me…

Where was I? Oh, yes – you’re busy and all and there’s this nagging thing that I worry about. Well, my worry is really about some of the people here on little old Earth that claim to represent you. Are these guys for real?

You see, God, Sir, for instance: there’s this thing about virgins. Like I said, with you being so busy and all, well I kind of wonder about the logic of some of what we’re told that you’re supposed to have said – and please don’t take this the wrong way – I mean I can only respect someone with all the things you do at the same time and if this is what you want then it’s what you want and I’ll just shut up and stay confused. But I do worry about the virgin thing…

The thing is, there seems to be a consensus here that, although young guys are supposed to keep it zipped up in their pants, they’re probably not going to and it’s just “sowing wild oats” when they don’t. I’m not complaining – I mean, I’ve had my share as I’m sure you know full well and I surely enjoyed every minute of it. I even learned to make it last for ages to make it more fun for me and my partner and… Sorry, I’m getting off the point again…

So, virgins! It might just be my interpretation, but your reps seem to make it a real big deal about women remaining virgins and not having sex unless they’re married. So, my query is this: if the young women are to remain virgins and it’s not so bad for the young guys to go out and get laid, who are they going to do it with? Does that mean that once the girls marry they can screw anybody? Because that’s not what your guys are saying as far as I can tell. I mean, we all know there will always be “fallen women”, but if your reps are successful in reducing the numbers significantly and the wild oats thing is still accepted, then there’s going to be a relatively small number of these women working their butts off morning, noon and night and I fear for their health, I really do. I know young guys don’t usually take long over the sex thing, but it seems kind of unfair to me to put such a burden on these few women.

What do you think, God? Have I got this right? I mean, I’m being good here and thinking of others, aren’t I?

Oh, by the way, God, like I said I know you must be extremely busy and I guess you don’t really have time for daft requests from people like me, but do you think you could spare just a few moments to make a quick batch of copies of Obama’s birth certificate and shove one right up the ass of everyone at Fox? Then maybe we can get back to some sort of normality here on little old Earth.

Thanks for listening…

What’s THAT About?

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 24, 2009 by AF

Do you come across stuff on TV, in the papers, in blogs, wherever, and think, “Oh hell! The lunatics have finally taken over the whole goddam asylum!”? Of course you do – you’re normal – that’s why I like you. I came across this gem today on a terrific and interesting blog called “The Fifty Factor” and had just such a moment. The item begins…

“It’s a slow news day when the front page of the Los Angeles Times Business Section has a big, full-color, “wiener warning” story! No, Loraina Babbit is not on the loose again, no the Playboy Mansion is not having another wild party and no, this is not about sex offenders living too close to neighborhood schools. It’s about hot dogs! Who knew wieners were breaking news and at the top of our “worry” list these days?!?”

Apparently, some vegan group in New Jersey is trying to get a health warning on wieners (hot dog sausages to you, if you’re a Brit) similar to the one the anti-smoking lobby forced the tobacco companies to put on cigarette packets (like we didn’t know smoking is bad for us … but what the heck, if we like it…)  What is that about?

Now, Joanna very rightly points out that there must be at least a million things that are far more important (well, the exaggeration is mine, naturally, but you get the point I’m sure), but I’m not actually so sure. Of course the vague, unproven, maybe, perhaps if you ate twenty packets a day for the next thirty years and managed not to die of obesity in the meantime, they might just encourage the cancer you were probably going to get anyway, is just plain stupid. But there is a serious point here and it’s very definitely not connected directly with wieners.

What the hell is the human race about with all this, warning on this, litigation over that, why didn’t the State protect me from my own stupidity there, thing? I reckon I’m normally a pretty easy going sort of guy – sure I get a bit annoyed about all sorts of things from time to time, like anyone else, yet I really do believe in “live and let live.” But there are three groups of people on this earth that drive me nuts and I would (I think) willingly trade just about anything with God (or whoever or whatever else might have the power) to have them wiped off the face of the planet – “jobs worth bureaucrats”, “do-gooders” and bloody “single issue activists” (and think about it, that includes terrorists and wiener hating vegans – both!).

Before anyone gets too excited, I have no issue whatsoever with vegans, vegetarians, meat lovers, pro-life, pro-choice, anti-smoking, smokers, gays, lesbians, Christians, Moslems, Jews, or any of the other millions of different groups that form to support what’s important to them. Those people add to the richness of humanity and life for us all. We may think they’re right or wrong, but that’s up to us just as their particular love, or beef (no pun intended) is up to them. But that’s the point! They are fully entitled to their opinion and it’s up to and important to them, not the rest of us!

Why the f**k do they think the rest of us should care and start to live their way? What is that all about? Are they that insecure? Who the hell do they think they are to tell me or anyone else how to live our lives?

So, all my three groups are probably actually three sides of the same coin: the “I know best and you must do it my way” people. Screw the lot of them, I say! That’s you screw them, not me – I don’t want to even get that close!

Where Do I Start?

Posted in People, Society and Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 17, 2009 by AF

I’ve just watched Question Time on the UK’s BBC TV. I recommend anyone who doesn’t know the programme and has never seen it (probably because the BBC, since it makes money from and has financial agreements with foreign companies, can often prevent those without a British IP address from seeing various broadcasts), to try to view it.

If you’re like me, you should probably start off by covering your screen with some kind of protective netting, or you’re likely to damage it when you start throwing things. But the fact is that, even when you dismiss (sometimes unfairly) the sound-bite politics and the facile, the stupidly liberal and the downright partisan remarks, there’s still one heck of a lot of, on the face of it, good sense that’s talked by both the invited audience and the panel of so-called experts.

And yet… and yet…

Good hearted people suggest endlessly that we shouldn’t have gone to war in Iraq, or Afghanistan and the problem with youth is that the troublesome minority feels no connection with society and we should do more to help them relate and we should have more, or less legislation and so on and on. Of course I agree with all those sentiments – in theory. But, if I could make just one plea to them all it would be to, please just stop and look at reality!

I’m as certain as anyone that the conflicts I’ve just mentioned were in many ways not about what was claimed at the time. Probably there was self interest over oil involved, but do you want oil, most plastics and fuel to be instantly cut off or the price to shoot up by ten-fold overnight? Think about it! It would mean the end of our civilisation as we know it. It really would! In time we’d probably work around it, but hundreds of thousands, maybe millions would starve to death in the West before we got through and the Taliban would rule planet Earth by then, or the Chinese, or a coalition of the two, or something else equally awful.

However, leaving aside the motive of self interest – Saddam Hussein was and asshole! It’s just a simple fact. We didn’t do any of it right and we’ve screwed up endlessly since, but the fact still remains, the guy was a total bastard and, whatever they think at the moment, the vast majority of Iraqis are better off without him. Then there’s the Taliban – they have to be some of the worst, bigoted, dictatorial, evil shit on the planet, so whatever happens to them, us, or even the innocents (in the short term) – those people are just vermin and have to be eradicated. There is no decent alternative!

Ideally, one might say that these sorts of operations should be under the control of the UN, but that is just a toothless talking shop that will wring its hands whilst millions are exterminated in periods of “ethnic cleansing”, genocide, torture and enslavement by vile regimes. Someone has to be a world policeman! In the absence of anything better, I would prefer it to be the West, rather than some Taliban warlord!

Then there’s the “youth of today” question. Of course the vast majority of young people are pretty much decent, upright citizens and morally a lot better than some of the bankers, financiers and similarly awful people who have landed us in our current financial problems through nothing more than greed. But (in the UK in particular and probably also in the US, plus to a lesser extent across Europe) PC legislation and out of control welfare, together with bigotry, corrupt and inefficient policing and inadequate educational facilities have produced a sizeable minority of mostly young vandals who would destroy our societies and everything we have and care about – terrorising the elderly, the young, families and decent people everywhere, spreading violence, drugs, rape, mayhem, murder and every other crime in a totally indiscriminate rampage.

Such young people often start off by being out of control as young as six, seven, or eight and then grow into teenagers and young people who just don’t give a shit about anyone or anything else but themselves, their own sense of self importance and their whims of the moment. It a small but growing threat that, if you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time, you’ll be lucky not to wind up dead just because they think it’s funny, or you are not one of them, or you even are, but they don’t like you that day!

Make no mistake, WE created this problem with daft liberalism and silly PC legislation that was full of good intentions and almost no understanding of reality! But it’s much too late to try to put the clock back now. We can change the future, but we can’t put right the damage we already did, just by being nice to these people. I believe in the rights of every individual of a society at all ages. What I don’t believe is that there is such a thing as your human rights per se – to anything! It’s a nice idea, but totally impractical. You have the rights that the society you live in grants you and I agree there should be a degree of commonality about that in all societies (although there often isn’t). But, in my opinion, we all have a duty earn those rights by being decent members of that society.

It’s really very simple. It’s straightforward practicality and there’s nothing difficult or highly moral about it at all. If we don’t, any of us, contribute to and broadly support our society, then it will not be able to protect our rights within it, so we’re entitled to nothing. If we let it happen, those that will not join in and be involved with society could ultimately (quite easily) bring our whole civilisation crashing down – just like the Arab’s oil (or the withholding of it), or the Taliban’s evil lust for fundamentalist world domination by fear and indoctrination.

We should not let any of that happen! Doing nothing except wringing our hands at the unfairness of it all is NOT an option!

All The Advice In The World

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 13, 2009 by AF

It’s all out there – for women in particular – everything you need to become the perfect person, have an ecstatically happy and incredibly long life, full of love whilst you remain young and beautiful forever.

All you have to do is to follow these principles, or worship at that church, or believe in a particular mysticism, or take some potion and of course also use their incredibly expensive herbal cream, or whatever else it is that these people are selling, or want you to believe in – so they can make a huge profit.


I am your guru and you need my guidance and products to achieve enlightened fulfilment. It’s all in my new book and DVD!

Download the book here

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Yeah! Right! If you believe that crap, then you’re more gullible that I thought you were, honey!

If you want a full and happy life then the first thing you have to do is to get one – a life that is! A life that is yours and not someone else’s and you have to do it!

Of course, this could apply to anyone – male or female – but it’s particularly common and incredibly easy for women slip into a rut where they spend all their time caring and working for their children, husband/partner, extended family, or whatever and forget that they once had a life of their own – things that were important and mattered just to them and no one else.

Then, twenty years down the line they’re totally heartbroken when their significant other ups and runs off with a new, usually younger, babe who doesn’t have to give a damn about any of those things and is a person in her own right. Why do they do that? Simple! It’s because the new woman still has a mind of her own and is interesting, takes care of herself, is not predictable or always there like part of the furniture – and therefore she’s sexy and exciting to be with (and screw, of course).

This is your life, girl. As far as you know it’s the only one you’ll have. Live it!