Archive for men

So, How Do You Like It?

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , , , , , on December 14, 2011 by AF

What? Sex of course! Ah, no! Not in that sort of detail! Too much information! I’m referring to the written sort…

Anyway, the reason I ask is that I’m a guy and I’ve been around the block a few times – well, a lot of times – so I’m pretty uninhibited and I kind of feel that anything consenting adults enjoy doing privately with each other is their business and not my concern – except in my stories, of course, and that’s the point. Myself, I’ve certainly sometimes enjoyed some pornography and I can find it quite… er… interesting. However, whilst porn doesn’t particularly shock or disgust me (though I think some of it can be pretty gross) and I understand the common male attitudes to it, I do usually get quite quickly bored by it and, for me, it’s written erotica that is much more exciting – especially the very sexy, story driven stuff.

Now, additionally, the majority of my readers seem to be women (as far as I can tell) – at least, those who comment are generally of the female persuasion. As a result, I thought I’d see how many of you would complete a simple, light-hearted poll and provide a little more info about your likes and dislikes regarding erotic moments on the written page.

Go on. I promise I won’t tell – just tick as many of the choices as you feel are appropriate to you…

Of course, the poll is just for fun and it’s naturally anonymous – unless you want to tell me more in comments below, but that’ll be our secret, won’t it? Oh and I promise I’ll do my best to protect your identity when it appears in the next book or short story…

😉

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Taking A Woman To Bed

Posted in Humour and Jokes with tags , , , , on October 15, 2011 by AF

I’m sure some of you have heard this oldie but goody before, but from a guy’s perspective…

The difference between girls/women aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78 is as follows:

At 8  — You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 — You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 — You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 — She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 — She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 — You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 — If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!

At 78 — What story? What bed? Who the hell are you???

Incidentally, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, at any given time:

190,374 people are having sex.

212,130 are kissing.

And a few sad people (like me) are simply reading/writing blogs.

Have a great weekend.

😆

Is There A Better Way?

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , , , , on July 8, 2011 by AF

Naturally, I’m talking about sex and relationships. Yeah, I know – what else? However, it’s not just me and my quirky way of looking at things that has triggered this post (for once).

More or less by accident – well via Twitter actually – I came across this post from “MyDevina” who describes her blog as, “a fun, flirty, irreverent look at being sexy, single and over 30”. The post in question got me thinking, yet again, about relationships, friendship and all the rest and my eternal query, do we demand too much from each other and, indeed, from ourselves at times.

It’s a good post and it makes sense if you have the time to pop over and take a look at the full article here. The gist is that we sometimes have a tendency to compare the new partner in our life with the old one – perhaps not always as generously as we should. I guess that would be: if only he/she had been different, or things had worked out another way. Thus the piece highlights the fact that it can on occasions be hard to let go of the past and also suggests a few pretty logical reasons why. Like I said, it’s a good post…

Nevertheless, the part of the post that particularly sparked my thoughts was really just this bit near the beginning: “During our official relationship we were not best friends, and our sex life was good but lacked some trust. After our breakup – and time passing – we became best friends and our sex life was awesome.” Of course, MyDevina is absolutely right and it does take time to develop a “oneness” – a mutual understanding that can result in incredible closeness. Even if your new significant other is going to turn out to be the much talked about and (certainly for some of us) perhaps mythical soul-mate of your life, you’re not going to immediately have that sort of intuition with someone you don’t yet really know, are you?

To me, there are a number of conclusions that could be drawn from all that. In the first place, one could, of course, say that best friends have better sex, but we know that’s not true because strangers who meet in the night can have awesome sex and best friends might want entirely different things in bed anyway. I think that a generosity of spirit is far more important – wanting to give pleasure as much as just wanting to selfishly enjoy it (mixed together with a hefty dose of experience and knowledge of the mechanics involved for the opposite sex of course). That, though, is an attitude that best friends are more likely to feel and exhibit, don’t you think?

However, more importantly in my opinion, is the question this raises about relationships and our expectations from them. One thing that many women go on about endlessly (not unreasonably and I’ve mentioned this before) is the subject of honesty. I have often wondered if the reality isn’t that, if we could all be totally honest about our wants and desires without pressure from others, preconceived ideas about artificial “right and wrong” conventions and what we should have, feel and expect, most women simply want something very different from a relationship than most men. I don’t mean by that just physical side either – not just the old cliché “he only wants me for one thing”, though I don’t see what’s wrong with that either – it’s solely the dishonesty involved that makes it unacceptable, in my opinion. The difficulty with that is, of course, the guy who’s totally honest and says at the outset that, “it’s just sex and I don’t want to wake up in the morning next to you” isn’t going to get laid very often, is he? Or at least not with the average woman he might find attractive when they have both grown up with their current fixed ideas about conventional relationships.

But, as I said, it’s not just about the sex. Doesn’t the piece I quoted suggest that, when you’ve gone through the initial relationship bit and it hasn’t worked out, but you actually like the ex, then the pressure’s off? Thus, you can at last be yourselves – both of you! Gone is the (self inflicted) need to pretend that you feel or want something different from what you do because you know it’s what the other wants and, if you actually had something special together, even though it wasn’t all each of you wanted, that part where you were great together can flourish and become wonderful.

Everyone’s different, of course, and so is every relationship, but aren’t our preconceptions and the conventions we have grown up with and acquired since, the real problem with many if not most relationships that don’t work out long term? Do we in fact just expect too damned much from others and even from life itself? Perhaps the perfect life – the “American dream” if you like (for my friends in the US) – is just an ideal that most of us will seek and not actually find. If you have found it, then good luck to you and my advice for what it’s worth is to hang onto it for dear life. Do, though, just take the time and trouble to “read between the lines” to make sure that your partner really does view your relationship in the same light, whatever he or she says – honesty cuts both ways!

😉

For Once I Should Be Serious

Posted in People, Society and Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 29, 2011 by AF

It’s a serious matter and that makes me very wary of saying anything at all about it in public, but then it’s something that I abhor and feel very strongly about, so here goes…

The subject is rape.

In truth, it’s something I don’t really understand from a male point of view, because I have never really wanted to do anything to, or with, a woman that she didn’t want too – that to me is part (a very big part) of the magic of sex. I might on occasions have wished that a beautiful woman felt differently (or even bloody well noticed me, if I’m honest), but that’s light years from what we’re talking about here. Heck, we wish for all sorts of things – I wish I was George Clooney, but life can be such a bitch and so I’m not.

However, recently, there has been considerable anger and debate in the UK over a statement made by our Justice Secretary, Kenneth Clarke, that some kinds of rape are worse than others, or words to that effect at least. I’m not even a fan of Ken Clarke as a politician and I certainly don’t believe in a justice system that worries more about the “human rights” of criminals and terrorists than those of their victims, or even of ordinary people. In my opinion the current trends have been utterly stupid political correctness gone absolutely loopy.

All that said, I do think Mr. Clarke has a point of sorts in this instance, if I’ve understood what he’s saying correctly. Rape, like burglary, mugging, domestic violence, murder and all the rest, is a fact of life – part of the human condition – whether most of us wish it were not so, or not. I do, though, understand (I think, at some level at least) how a woman can view all rape as equally awful and that any man who rapes should be castrated and left to rot in a hole somewhere – that is only natural. It’s exactly the same as a parent must feel about the driver of a car that kills their child – he (she) deserves all they get and much more. It’s murder! There should be no forgiveness! Right?

Looked at dispassionately, though, there are so many variables involved in any crime that we cannot make sweeping statements and lump all drivers who speed, or robbers, or even rapists together. All crimes of a broadly similar nature are not the same. A woman who goes out on a date and perhaps likes and finds her partner for the evening attractive, but he misunderstands all her signals and fails to uphold the most basic of rules – “no” means “NO!” – will (in the short term at least), be just as horrified, hurt, disgusted, even traumatised, by this man’s abhorrent behaviour (of which he will hopefully be utterly ashamed in the cold light of dawn and increased sobriety), as any other rape victim.

Yet that situation simply cannot, in my opinion, be regarded in exactly the same way as the evil, twisted bastard who stalks a woman (or grabs her randomly off the street) and then subjects her to a litany of brutal and degrading physical, sexual and mental humiliation usually designed specifically to satisfy his hatred of women and to sadistically break and demean her and probably traumatise her for life. Such acts actually have little to do with sex at all (and more to do with inadequacies of the male involved) and there is a viciousness about such perpetrators that is surely disgusting to all decent people of both sexes and who I, frankly, believe deserve no mercy at all. To talk of human rights for such people as that is an affront to the rest of humanity and to the term “human” itself – they certainly should be thrown in a hole to rot along with paedophiles, mass murderers, youths who beat up old ladies for a few pounds and similar scum!

But a guy who gets too impassioned and looses his sense of judgement? No. He should be punished of course, because there’s no excuse and he needs a lesson that will remind him to be more respectful the next time, but to compare the two situations, or even all the variations in between those extremes is just plain foolish and (I think) does nothing to advance the cause of women at all.

Putting unequal crimes against women into one huge category is just as demeaning to all men as the male attitude that sometimes says all women are the same in bed in the dark – it’s not only wrong, it debases the decent people in society, who are, incidentally, in the vast majority, whatever some victims might have us all believe.

So… Go on, then – tell me why I’m wrong…  😦

You Know What?

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags , , , , , , , , , on February 21, 2011 by AF

I have a dream. A dream that, one day, men and women will live in peace and harmony – friends and lovers alike will share each other’s hopes and aspirations and celebrate their sexual differences with both excitement and understanding…

Yeah, right! And I dream I’ll win the lottery too, but that ain’t very likely to happen either, is it?

Now, as I might have mentioned on the odd occasion in the past, I love women – no, not just that aspect, although it is of course a factor – and I absolutely adore independent women. By “independent”, I mean truly self-sufficient females – not confrontational, or strident ones, because (male or female) those traits usually indicate those who are hiding the fact that they are really insecure and unsure of the very independence that I find most attractive in women. I love being with women. I love doing things with them – by that  I mean talking to them and listening to their points of view about many things, rather than just that, but once again, that too, naturally.

However, there’s one thing that I really prefer not to do with the female of our species – and that’s live with them. I just don’t think that men and women are actually all that compatible when it comes to things domestic. I’m not saying that my way of living is somehow right, because that’s rubbish. There is no “right or wrong” way to live anyway, but what suits me is unlikely to suit what someone I otherwise idolise and it seems one heck of a pity to spoil what is otherwise a beautiful relationship for the sake of staying in our own houses and meeting when we actually want to.

I’ve often thought about this and may have occasionally mentioned it too before… if I’m honest, I suspect that it’s more that I don’t want to share my space with anyone – male or female – but a woman’s way is often so very different from mine. If I’m feeling peeved and moody, another guy would probably understand that and ignore me, whereas a woman is likely to think there’s something “personal” about the fact that I just want to be left alone with my own thoughts. Equally, if you’re a woman, it’s likely that there are times when you’re only too glad to get rid of the guy in your life (assuming you have one – guy that is), because he’s in the way and a miserable old so and so today.

So, assuming they’ve managed to get over (or past) the genetically dictated, but utterly foolish, urge to rear a brood and all that stuff that, several years into the exercise, most of us have wondered why we started in the first place, I’m all for men and women living separate lives.

The snag is, I do like waking up in the morning with a warm and cuddly female in the same bed as me, but they seem to feel that this constitutes some kind of commitment…

…and I hate that word “commitment”. Why is it supposedly so desirable? More importantly, how do women manage to make such a ridiculous idea sound like some kind of virtue?

😉

Body And Soul Are Unconnected

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , , , , , on November 21, 2010 by AF

The shape of a person’s body has nothing to do with who they are as a person. At least there are many (particularly women, but men too are beginning to accept this), who would these days have us believe that, especially in Britain and America…

It’s total rubbish of course… Okay? Contentious enough for you, Lilly?

The truth is, to my mind, that a lot of people have confused two things that sound the same, but are entirely different. The first is personality and the second is their value as a person. The two are not really even related

What I don’t understand is why so many insist on connecting the unconnected and yet also feel the need to deny other, quite obvious, associations. Sex and love, for instance, are not at all the same and are not even seriously linked. You may want to make love with someone because you love them and desire intimacy as a result, but sexual chemistry can just as easily dictate that two people who are not in love and have no desire whatsoever for any kind of commitment might desperately want sex together – I’m not saying they should, or even shouldn’t do it – I’m just saying the desire may be there and, all other things being equal, there is no reason why they should not enjoy each other. Equally, though, there are many forms of loving relationship between individuals and either a member of their own gender, or their opposite, that do not require sex as an element of it at all – in fact many are frowned upon, or even illegal, such as brother and sister for example. Even some ordinary married couples have tried sex, don’t like it, but care deeply about each other and want to remain married. It’s each to his or her own, of course, but that in many ways is at least part of my point here…

So, body and soul – or body and personality, if you prefer the term – are not connected? As I said, rubbish! I make no claim as to what effect one might have on the other – in fact it will almost certainly vary from person to person, but anyone’s personality, self-image and much more will be affected by their body. In fact a person’s body shape – or rather their level of physical fitness – also often says, or at least implies, something about them as a person. Naturally, there are always exceptions to every rule and, equally, genetics do have some bearing – as (more importantly in my opinion) does upbringing – but a normally slow moving, or a greedy, or a lazy adult person is more likely to be greatly overweight and unfit. This, of course, applies equally to men and women, but being a heterosexual male, my interest is in the female of our species when it comes to physical appearance.

A woman who has a body that is plainly fit, toned, athletic and so on, will usually (I suspect) stimulate in me an unconfirmed and possibly invalid judgment that she is energetic, cares about herself, has a good self image and, probably even more without any validity, that she may be intelligent because she has the sense to care about her physique. She could well still be a real “cow” of a person, of course, but then body language and some observation of her behaviour could quickly tell me at least some more about even that – all from a distance and without any meeting at all.

Nevertheless, what she is like as a person, as well as my silent, momentary reaction (to which she will no doubt, probably unconsciously, be accustomed), has been influenced by how she looks and, conversely, her personality almost certainly has also influenced how she looks, since few look like that without at least some effort on their part, unless of course she is that one in a million (or maybe it’s one in ten million?) who is genetically pretty much perfect…

😉

You Know, I Quite Like Stephen Fry

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , , , , on November 16, 2010 by AF

I admire Stephen Fry and I enjoy most of his programmes on TV and  radio. In fact, to me, he’s often a very funny man. However, I have to wonder at his otherwise undoubted intellect after his recent statement that, “Women don’t really like sex.” If you really want to read the whole article that discusses this in the UK’s Daily Mail, then you can always go here, but I can’t imagine you’ll want to.

I mean, how wrong can a guy be? I’m not sure why, but I would somehow have expected that a gay man would have a little more understanding of women (who are admittedly a breed apart to most “straight” males). Nevertheless, just because women have a different agenda from men has little in my opinion to do with how much they do, or don’t, like sex. Both sexes are equally excited by sex and, left to their own devices and unfettered by society’s conventions, I venture to suggest that women are at heart just as promiscuous and just as randy as any male. But – and it is quite a big “but” (no dear, I’m not being rude about your rear – it’s “but” with only one “T”), our conventions do still have a huge effect on behaviour. Furthermore, women want to have babies (many men, at heart, if they’re honest, which most are far too scared to be, want to father babies and little more).

The female of our species, on the other hand, is driven hormonally to conceive, but more than that, she instinctively feels the need for protection (that she doesn’t really have much use for at all these days) for herself and her child during its rearing, so she looks for a mate and, if he’s any good, she sets out to keep him. That means, if necessary, remaining faithful and doing her best to stop him straying too, or he might find he enjoys the alternative(s) more.

Yes, women undoubtedly use sex to control men and to entice them into relationships they might otherwise not wish to enter into, but that has nothing whatsoever to do with how much women like sex – it is solely due to the fact that many women are much, much tougher than the average male and can go without anything if doing so will be of benefit to their offspring.

So… how about it then, honey? Aw, c’mon… you know you want to….