Archive for culture

There Always Seems To Be Sex In Everything

Posted in Writing and Things Literary with tags , , , , , , , , on August 11, 2011 by AF

That’s: there always seems to be sex in pretty much everything I write – blog posts, books, short stories – even my Sci-Fi novels. I guess that says something about me, do you think?

Ah, well… Why not, eh? After all, it’s what makes the world go round for most of us, isn’t it? Let’s face it, without sex, we’d probably all still be single cell organisms. Worse than that, it would appear that I’d have nothing to say about anything – and I do like to write, even when relatively few people read it.

In fact writing and sex have a lot in common for me: I adore both activities even when I don’t get paid for doing either of them! Mind you, money’s important – sex anyone?

However, on that score and in the true spirit of shameless self promotion, some of my novels are now coming out as eBooks…

Seductive Chance, my story of an artist who discovers all sorts of things about himself and women over a two year or so period is now available for Kindle on Amazon. It’s a bit of light-hearted fun with quite a lot of sex in it too (of course).

The women in the book tend to be fairly strong and decisive (and naturally pretty horny), whilst Mike Farmer, the male lead and narrator seems to spend most of his time full of self-doubt. He’s a nice guy at heart and pretty quiet and unassuming, just like me I guess… Hah! Okay, okay… not at all like me, then!

The Superior Gene: Book One – Jason, Source Of The Gene is also there (books 2 & 3 of the trilogy should also be up there in the next few weeks/months). The Superior Gene is a Sci-Fi adventure story that is set mostly in the next century. It is of course rather darker in places than my fun romances, but it also has its lighter side too. However, it in part describes an Earth where women have finally realised that it doesn’t matter a damn what men think. Naturally, that means there’s quite a bit of sex in it too. Now there’s a surprise, eh?

Even if you don’t buy either of the books (though it would be lovely if you did, of course), just take a peek at them at least, will you? Will you really? Please… Pretty please?

😉

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Is There A Better Way?

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , , , , on July 8, 2011 by AF

Naturally, I’m talking about sex and relationships. Yeah, I know – what else? However, it’s not just me and my quirky way of looking at things that has triggered this post (for once).

More or less by accident – well via Twitter actually – I came across this post from “MyDevina” who describes her blog as, “a fun, flirty, irreverent look at being sexy, single and over 30”. The post in question got me thinking, yet again, about relationships, friendship and all the rest and my eternal query, do we demand too much from each other and, indeed, from ourselves at times.

It’s a good post and it makes sense if you have the time to pop over and take a look at the full article here. The gist is that we sometimes have a tendency to compare the new partner in our life with the old one – perhaps not always as generously as we should. I guess that would be: if only he/she had been different, or things had worked out another way. Thus the piece highlights the fact that it can on occasions be hard to let go of the past and also suggests a few pretty logical reasons why. Like I said, it’s a good post…

Nevertheless, the part of the post that particularly sparked my thoughts was really just this bit near the beginning: “During our official relationship we were not best friends, and our sex life was good but lacked some trust. After our breakup – and time passing – we became best friends and our sex life was awesome.” Of course, MyDevina is absolutely right and it does take time to develop a “oneness” – a mutual understanding that can result in incredible closeness. Even if your new significant other is going to turn out to be the much talked about and (certainly for some of us) perhaps mythical soul-mate of your life, you’re not going to immediately have that sort of intuition with someone you don’t yet really know, are you?

To me, there are a number of conclusions that could be drawn from all that. In the first place, one could, of course, say that best friends have better sex, but we know that’s not true because strangers who meet in the night can have awesome sex and best friends might want entirely different things in bed anyway. I think that a generosity of spirit is far more important – wanting to give pleasure as much as just wanting to selfishly enjoy it (mixed together with a hefty dose of experience and knowledge of the mechanics involved for the opposite sex of course). That, though, is an attitude that best friends are more likely to feel and exhibit, don’t you think?

However, more importantly in my opinion, is the question this raises about relationships and our expectations from them. One thing that many women go on about endlessly (not unreasonably and I’ve mentioned this before) is the subject of honesty. I have often wondered if the reality isn’t that, if we could all be totally honest about our wants and desires without pressure from others, preconceived ideas about artificial “right and wrong” conventions and what we should have, feel and expect, most women simply want something very different from a relationship than most men. I don’t mean by that just physical side either – not just the old cliché “he only wants me for one thing”, though I don’t see what’s wrong with that either – it’s solely the dishonesty involved that makes it unacceptable, in my opinion. The difficulty with that is, of course, the guy who’s totally honest and says at the outset that, “it’s just sex and I don’t want to wake up in the morning next to you” isn’t going to get laid very often, is he? Or at least not with the average woman he might find attractive when they have both grown up with their current fixed ideas about conventional relationships.

But, as I said, it’s not just about the sex. Doesn’t the piece I quoted suggest that, when you’ve gone through the initial relationship bit and it hasn’t worked out, but you actually like the ex, then the pressure’s off? Thus, you can at last be yourselves – both of you! Gone is the (self inflicted) need to pretend that you feel or want something different from what you do because you know it’s what the other wants and, if you actually had something special together, even though it wasn’t all each of you wanted, that part where you were great together can flourish and become wonderful.

Everyone’s different, of course, and so is every relationship, but aren’t our preconceptions and the conventions we have grown up with and acquired since, the real problem with many if not most relationships that don’t work out long term? Do we in fact just expect too damned much from others and even from life itself? Perhaps the perfect life – the “American dream” if you like (for my friends in the US) – is just an ideal that most of us will seek and not actually find. If you have found it, then good luck to you and my advice for what it’s worth is to hang onto it for dear life. Do, though, just take the time and trouble to “read between the lines” to make sure that your partner really does view your relationship in the same light, whatever he or she says – honesty cuts both ways!

😉

I Got To Wondering

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags , , , , , , , , on June 15, 2011 by AF

That’s wondering, as distinct from wandering, which I also have a tendency to do, but then at my advanced age, what do you expect?

Anywaa-aay… I got to thinking about all the various conventions and attitudes by which we live – they are certainly many and varied around the world, but how do they develop? What first made people in parts of Asia start to believe that showing the soles of your feet was somehow “rude”? Or, come to that, why throwing a shoe (or was it shoes?) at the then President G. W. Bush of the USA was so insulting (apart from the possibility of hitting him on the head and knocking some sense into it). That is something that occurs all over the place, but it is much more an Arab (and perhaps Asian) thing than any other since it is apparently they who mostly tend to consider shoes as “dirty” or “unclean”.

I suppose, though, that the strangest and most wildly varying attitudes around the world are those that we have towards nudity and sex (you knew I’d get around to my favourite subject sooner or later, didn’t you?)…

In the so-called developed world, the UK is a bit on the puritanical side at times, though we seem fascinated by the sex lives of others, most notably celebrities. Nudity also seems to worry us too, but again not that of others – especially when it comes to pictures of pretty young women in newspapers like the Sun. The Germans will apparently, as someone once said to me, strip off anywhere and in front of anyone, though I can’t say that fills me with a huge amount of anticipation, with the notable exception of Heidi Klum and a few like her. The French? Who knows what the French really think about anything? The Latin countries, like Spain and Italy in particular seem to me to have a very healthy attitude to nudity and sex, neither of which usually phase them in any way and they are both usually regarded as part of life’s rich pattern – a nice and enjoyable part – and that sounds about right to me.

Arab countries and others who follow the Moslem faith are generally way out of date (to my way of thinking), but then so are most of their more rigid attitudes to women. Their often total ban on even a husband and wife showing affection towards each other in public seems to me to be simply archaic and, in truth, outright stupid. Again, though, that’s just my opinion and I confess that there’s not much that I properly understand about Islam – although what I do know does nothing to encourage me to study it further. Yet the fact is that many, if not all, of our ingrained attitudes that are not the result of simple superstition and myth probably have their root somewhere in one organised religion or another – and each to his own on that one! What people believe about their preferred deity is personal and none of my business… except…

Well… where do American attitudes to nudity and sex come from? It seems to me (quite possibly wrongly) that their approach to those subjects is chock full of contradictions. Their (laudable in my opinion) position on free speech and freedom of expression allows that almost anything goes and yet their underlying mind-set appears to be one that exhibits cultural insecurity in the extreme. There are (I understand) strict and precise rules about the amount of “butt crack” that can be shown along with gasps of shock-horror if a woman should go topless on a beach (I realise that some of these things may vary from state to state) and yet just about anything is seemingly for sale in nightclubs and strip joints, lap dancing clubs and so on. I mean, where does this dichotomy come from?

Sorry, but I really don’t get it! If you believe in a benign and loving deity, then surely you have to believe that sex was given to humanity for us all to enjoy, or it makes a total nonsense of your own beliefs. If you don’t believe, then what the heck’s your problem with what has clearly driven our very creation and further growth into the modern human race?

Anyone want to explain? 😉

For Once I Should Be Serious

Posted in People, Society and Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 29, 2011 by AF

It’s a serious matter and that makes me very wary of saying anything at all about it in public, but then it’s something that I abhor and feel very strongly about, so here goes…

The subject is rape.

In truth, it’s something I don’t really understand from a male point of view, because I have never really wanted to do anything to, or with, a woman that she didn’t want too – that to me is part (a very big part) of the magic of sex. I might on occasions have wished that a beautiful woman felt differently (or even bloody well noticed me, if I’m honest), but that’s light years from what we’re talking about here. Heck, we wish for all sorts of things – I wish I was George Clooney, but life can be such a bitch and so I’m not.

However, recently, there has been considerable anger and debate in the UK over a statement made by our Justice Secretary, Kenneth Clarke, that some kinds of rape are worse than others, or words to that effect at least. I’m not even a fan of Ken Clarke as a politician and I certainly don’t believe in a justice system that worries more about the “human rights” of criminals and terrorists than those of their victims, or even of ordinary people. In my opinion the current trends have been utterly stupid political correctness gone absolutely loopy.

All that said, I do think Mr. Clarke has a point of sorts in this instance, if I’ve understood what he’s saying correctly. Rape, like burglary, mugging, domestic violence, murder and all the rest, is a fact of life – part of the human condition – whether most of us wish it were not so, or not. I do, though, understand (I think, at some level at least) how a woman can view all rape as equally awful and that any man who rapes should be castrated and left to rot in a hole somewhere – that is only natural. It’s exactly the same as a parent must feel about the driver of a car that kills their child – he (she) deserves all they get and much more. It’s murder! There should be no forgiveness! Right?

Looked at dispassionately, though, there are so many variables involved in any crime that we cannot make sweeping statements and lump all drivers who speed, or robbers, or even rapists together. All crimes of a broadly similar nature are not the same. A woman who goes out on a date and perhaps likes and finds her partner for the evening attractive, but he misunderstands all her signals and fails to uphold the most basic of rules – “no” means “NO!” – will (in the short term at least), be just as horrified, hurt, disgusted, even traumatised, by this man’s abhorrent behaviour (of which he will hopefully be utterly ashamed in the cold light of dawn and increased sobriety), as any other rape victim.

Yet that situation simply cannot, in my opinion, be regarded in exactly the same way as the evil, twisted bastard who stalks a woman (or grabs her randomly off the street) and then subjects her to a litany of brutal and degrading physical, sexual and mental humiliation usually designed specifically to satisfy his hatred of women and to sadistically break and demean her and probably traumatise her for life. Such acts actually have little to do with sex at all (and more to do with inadequacies of the male involved) and there is a viciousness about such perpetrators that is surely disgusting to all decent people of both sexes and who I, frankly, believe deserve no mercy at all. To talk of human rights for such people as that is an affront to the rest of humanity and to the term “human” itself – they certainly should be thrown in a hole to rot along with paedophiles, mass murderers, youths who beat up old ladies for a few pounds and similar scum!

But a guy who gets too impassioned and looses his sense of judgement? No. He should be punished of course, because there’s no excuse and he needs a lesson that will remind him to be more respectful the next time, but to compare the two situations, or even all the variations in between those extremes is just plain foolish and (I think) does nothing to advance the cause of women at all.

Putting unequal crimes against women into one huge category is just as demeaning to all men as the male attitude that sometimes says all women are the same in bed in the dark – it’s not only wrong, it debases the decent people in society, who are, incidentally, in the vast majority, whatever some victims might have us all believe.

So… Go on, then – tell me why I’m wrong…  😦

Are You Being Perverse, Big G?

Posted in Chats With Big G with tags , , , , , , on May 23, 2011 by AF

I can imagine you laughed your butt off at those poor souls who had 21st May 2011 marked up as the end of things on our little planet – I mean, most of us here did – but did you miss a trick? Okay, so you and I have endlessly done the “I don’t believe in you, but I doubt you could care less” thing and, yet again here I am talking to this (to me) imaginary being who I don’t believe in. Yet, if you are real, would it have hurt your pride soo-oooo much just to back up these dipsticks who were going on about the rapture and all – at least just a little?

You didn’t have to end it all like the crazies claimed – yet again – but we could have seen a couple of the best good guys (or gals) floating skyward on the 21st, couldn’t we? I’m not exactly questioning your judgement, but it seems a bit unfair of you to me. According to the pundits – you know, the clergy and all – you made man in your own image. Well, if that’s so and with you being omnipotent and all that as well, you ought to find it real easy to think like a human (in so far as we do think at all, that is). Just a smidgen of evidence would be nice – a gesture at least that you understand us.

Now I know it’s always said that we have to take everything about you on trust – have faith as they insist on calling it. Well, that’s all well and good, but you’ve seen how that attitude works out with politicians, salesmen, relationship partners and lots of others – doctors even – so, “taking things on trust” now (quite rightly, if you don’t mind me saying so) kind of equates to being downright gullible! Don’t blame me! You gave us free will, supposedly. So I don’t see how you can be upset if we question things that look pretty darned unlikely to us.

I guess, on reflection, it would have been a bit of a stretch to ask for the odd candidate to be headed for the rapture they were going on about at such length, but there was nothing – well, that’s nothing apart from Iceland’s volcano playing up again, but that’s not new, is it? There weren’t even a few significant earthquakes that I heard about!

Of course, I imagine their abject failure this time won’t stop the “End Is Nigh” bunch from coming back on the next date some jerk calculates is going to be the apocalypse – they always do, time after time, and being wrong never seems to phase them in the least, but endlessly repeating the same damned thing in the vain hope of a different result is one of the definitions of madness, isn’t it? Couldn’t you either back these guys up a touch, or just put us all out of their misery by sending a few well placed lightning bolts to shut them up permanently?

Please… Aw… go on… Pretty please?

Cheers. Thanks for listening (if you did).

So, What About Equality?

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 15, 2011 by AF

I know I’ve said something along these lines before, but this is one of my core beliefs, so I won’t apologise if I’m repeating myself somewhat here.

As long as I can remember (and that’s a real long time), I’ve wished most of the time that I had been born a woman. I don’t mean in a sexual sense because I’m very hetero, although I can tell you for sure I’d have been a millionaire by the time I was nineteen if I’d had a female body – but in this instance, I mean in terms of gender and all that goes with it.

There are of course, many types of women: nice ones, nasty ones, tall ones, short ones, fat ones, thin ones, in between and gorgeous ones who are very sexy that I’d like to get to know very, very… sorry (I told you – I’m entirely hetero), but I’m getting off the track again, aren’t I? However, the point is that, just as with men, the types you come across are as varied as the whole human race and probably most other species too, but the thing that makes women different (apart from the obvious physical bits), is their apparently natural ability and desire to socialise and above all to help one another.

Men just don’t do that – not like women do, at least. Take a straightforward example – BlogHer. It’s huge and growing all the time. I’m sure there’s some bitchiness and selfishness (of course there is – anything else would be unnatural), but the fact is that it works – and works simply because women are… well, women! Don’t believe me? Ok-aay… did you hear about BlogHim? No, nor me! A lot of women together is an awesome thing – damn scary, but still awesome! If you have a moment to spare, just take a peek at this blogger’s profile, here (and do watch the video – if it loads, because it’s a Blogspot site and Vista doesn’t seem to like it, but it’s worth the wait if you can manage it). Of course, men do conferences and so on, but I just can’t imagine this as an all male event anywhere.

So, I guess my question is: Why in heaven’s name would you girls want to be equal to men – you already have it all? Ours is a miserable existence by comparison. Sure, I understand there are issues over pay and stuff in some (many?) cases, but for God’s sake! You’re bloody wonderful! Why would you ever want to change that and just become dull and boring like the rest of us, or suffer the pressures that men invariably seem to place on themselves?

😉

You Might Have Noticed

Posted in Writing and Things Literary with tags , , , , , , on April 27, 2011 by AF

…or you might not, of course. However, the thing to which I am referring is the fact that, unlike some bloggers, I’m more than happy to get into a discussion with commenters. That, if I’m to be honest, is probably why I tend at times – all right then, often – to be somewhat “controversial”, if not downright outrageous! I like a debate. Heck! I love a debate!

That, I presume, is the main reason why I always try to reply to individual comments. There is too the angle that it’s my view of politeness that if someone takes the trouble to read something I write and comment on it, then I think it deserves my time to reply if I can (though I don’t hold it against others if they take a different view), but the truth is I love to debate – so much so that I’ll take any stance you want me to in most arguments and I’m quite happy to be wrong in the end too – if you can prove it!

There are, naturally, some subjects that I regard as really important (such as women’s rights and the whole equality issue, for instance) and, though you may not always (ever?) agree with my take on the subject, I do honestly believe at least the bones of what I say about such things.

Other times, though, I’ll say something just for effect – just to start an argument. Hopefully that’ll be a reasonably polite argument, but an argument nevertheless. There are very few situations where I bear a grudge. I can have a blazing row with someone and then shake hands and go round the pub for a drink with them. However, that doesn’t mean I’ll back down easily, so you’ve gotta push your point home!

Whatever the outcome, it’s good to talk, don’t you think? As someone famous said: “Jaw, jaw is better than war, war” – well, a lot of times it is, although “verbal war” between lovers can sometimes be so wounding that it is just as fatal for the participants as the real thing, or to their relationship at least.

Still that’s probably best left for another post…

🙄