Archive for the Scandalous! Category

Fickle Now Seems To Be The New Essential

Posted in Scandalous!, Writing and Things Literary with tags , , , on December 19, 2011 by AF

Once upon a time I posted to my blog pretty much on a daily basis – sometimes even more often. I also used to check the blogs I liked the best several times a day. Now it all seems to me to be changing and I’m not alone in that.

Recently, as I’ve visited other blogs in my blog-roll, it appears that fewer and fewer are posting on a regular basis. So, apart from the odd half dozen to whom I can remain faithful, I’m going to have to search out new people to add to my list. Consequently, since I seem to often enjoy those sites written by female bloggers, that means I’m going to be off seeking new women to follow around. At my time of life! I ask you! Is it too much to ask for a little constancy in these modern, fickle times of ours?

Of the eighty or ninety blogs I once followed diligently via RSS, about a third have disappeared altogether over time and less and less post regularly. What do you think has changed? Is it now essential to be fickle and seek out new places to find interest? With the increase in so called online dating, which should often in reality now be called online hooking up for the night, so it appears that everything else has gone the same way too and my impression is that the only current constant is the steadily decreasing value of fidelity, be it with respect to matters relating to sex, friendship, or any other sort of relationship.

What is changing? Is the instant gratification offered by the internet and buying online now permeating all aspects of modern life?

😉

So, How Do You Like It?

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , , , , , on December 14, 2011 by AF

What? Sex of course! Ah, no! Not in that sort of detail! Too much information! I’m referring to the written sort…

Anyway, the reason I ask is that I’m a guy and I’ve been around the block a few times – well, a lot of times – so I’m pretty uninhibited and I kind of feel that anything consenting adults enjoy doing privately with each other is their business and not my concern – except in my stories, of course, and that’s the point. Myself, I’ve certainly sometimes enjoyed some pornography and I can find it quite… er… interesting. However, whilst porn doesn’t particularly shock or disgust me (though I think some of it can be pretty gross) and I understand the common male attitudes to it, I do usually get quite quickly bored by it and, for me, it’s written erotica that is much more exciting – especially the very sexy, story driven stuff.

Now, additionally, the majority of my readers seem to be women (as far as I can tell) – at least, those who comment are generally of the female persuasion. As a result, I thought I’d see how many of you would complete a simple, light-hearted poll and provide a little more info about your likes and dislikes regarding erotic moments on the written page.

Go on. I promise I won’t tell – just tick as many of the choices as you feel are appropriate to you…

Of course, the poll is just for fun and it’s naturally anonymous – unless you want to tell me more in comments below, but that’ll be our secret, won’t it? Oh and I promise I’ll do my best to protect your identity when it appears in the next book or short story…

😉

I Know It’s Fantasy

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , on November 20, 2011 by AF

…or fiction, or part fiction and part reality, or whatever, but a post on Red Mojo Mama’s blog was on a subject that I tend to mention from time to time – all right then, it’s something I keep banging on about ad nauseam.

The excellent and humorous post (which you can read in full here) was a record of the usual highly entertaining conversation between her fictional character and herself, but in spite of the charming tone of the piece (just like most of her writings), she was making what I think is a very serious point.

I’ve often wondered exactly why it is that (as a generality) women do seem to “need” a man or significant other in their lives in order to somehow feel complete, or they believe that they (or others) should do so. I have made the point in the past that many a female’s bio is written along the lines of, “I’m a wife, mother, sister. I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful son/daughter/both. I live in Bogtown USA (or wherever)… oh and by the way I’m an author/rocket scientist/brain surgeon, etc.”

Why do women do that? Why is it not sufficient and far more important to say something more like, “I’m me. I’m wonderful (on a good day). I’m an author/rocket scientist/whatever”? She may then, it’s true, wish to add a little more detail by saying, “Oh and I have/don’t have children I’m married/have a nice partner/occasionally enjoy myself with a significant other”, but that’s surely secondary to what she is herself, isn’t it?

I admit that it’s a bit less common than it was a few years ago when almost all women rarely seemed to even mention publicly what really mattered about them, or to them, but they still often do behave in that far too selfless fashion nevertheless. Is it the maternal instinct that drives them to care more about others than they do about themselves? Or is it the historical male domination of society that has left women with the feeling that their mission in life should and must be to please some man – all the damn time? Or is it something else?

I’m not championing strident, bitchy, uncaring women here – unending loud belligerence is unattractive whatever a person’s gender – but rather the idea that a quiet confidence is vital because it gives women that inner strength of knowing who they truly are as individuals and therefore what they want, totally independent of any outside others they may care about and want to please and enjoy from time to time. To turn an old English saying around: what’s good for the gander, is absolutely bloody fine for the goose!

Okay then, go ahead and satisfy my masochistic tendencies by tearing my argument to pieces.

😉

Is There A Better Way?

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , , , , on July 8, 2011 by AF

Naturally, I’m talking about sex and relationships. Yeah, I know – what else? However, it’s not just me and my quirky way of looking at things that has triggered this post (for once).

More or less by accident – well via Twitter actually – I came across this post from “MyDevina” who describes her blog as, “a fun, flirty, irreverent look at being sexy, single and over 30”. The post in question got me thinking, yet again, about relationships, friendship and all the rest and my eternal query, do we demand too much from each other and, indeed, from ourselves at times.

It’s a good post and it makes sense if you have the time to pop over and take a look at the full article here. The gist is that we sometimes have a tendency to compare the new partner in our life with the old one – perhaps not always as generously as we should. I guess that would be: if only he/she had been different, or things had worked out another way. Thus the piece highlights the fact that it can on occasions be hard to let go of the past and also suggests a few pretty logical reasons why. Like I said, it’s a good post…

Nevertheless, the part of the post that particularly sparked my thoughts was really just this bit near the beginning: “During our official relationship we were not best friends, and our sex life was good but lacked some trust. After our breakup – and time passing – we became best friends and our sex life was awesome.” Of course, MyDevina is absolutely right and it does take time to develop a “oneness” – a mutual understanding that can result in incredible closeness. Even if your new significant other is going to turn out to be the much talked about and (certainly for some of us) perhaps mythical soul-mate of your life, you’re not going to immediately have that sort of intuition with someone you don’t yet really know, are you?

To me, there are a number of conclusions that could be drawn from all that. In the first place, one could, of course, say that best friends have better sex, but we know that’s not true because strangers who meet in the night can have awesome sex and best friends might want entirely different things in bed anyway. I think that a generosity of spirit is far more important – wanting to give pleasure as much as just wanting to selfishly enjoy it (mixed together with a hefty dose of experience and knowledge of the mechanics involved for the opposite sex of course). That, though, is an attitude that best friends are more likely to feel and exhibit, don’t you think?

However, more importantly in my opinion, is the question this raises about relationships and our expectations from them. One thing that many women go on about endlessly (not unreasonably and I’ve mentioned this before) is the subject of honesty. I have often wondered if the reality isn’t that, if we could all be totally honest about our wants and desires without pressure from others, preconceived ideas about artificial “right and wrong” conventions and what we should have, feel and expect, most women simply want something very different from a relationship than most men. I don’t mean by that just physical side either – not just the old cliché “he only wants me for one thing”, though I don’t see what’s wrong with that either – it’s solely the dishonesty involved that makes it unacceptable, in my opinion. The difficulty with that is, of course, the guy who’s totally honest and says at the outset that, “it’s just sex and I don’t want to wake up in the morning next to you” isn’t going to get laid very often, is he? Or at least not with the average woman he might find attractive when they have both grown up with their current fixed ideas about conventional relationships.

But, as I said, it’s not just about the sex. Doesn’t the piece I quoted suggest that, when you’ve gone through the initial relationship bit and it hasn’t worked out, but you actually like the ex, then the pressure’s off? Thus, you can at last be yourselves – both of you! Gone is the (self inflicted) need to pretend that you feel or want something different from what you do because you know it’s what the other wants and, if you actually had something special together, even though it wasn’t all each of you wanted, that part where you were great together can flourish and become wonderful.

Everyone’s different, of course, and so is every relationship, but aren’t our preconceptions and the conventions we have grown up with and acquired since, the real problem with many if not most relationships that don’t work out long term? Do we in fact just expect too damned much from others and even from life itself? Perhaps the perfect life – the “American dream” if you like (for my friends in the US) – is just an ideal that most of us will seek and not actually find. If you have found it, then good luck to you and my advice for what it’s worth is to hang onto it for dear life. Do, though, just take the time and trouble to “read between the lines” to make sure that your partner really does view your relationship in the same light, whatever he or she says – honesty cuts both ways!

😉

You’ve Been Conned, Honey!

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , , , , , , , on March 21, 2011 by AF

Well, not just you, but all women. Of course, when I start talking about “all” women, it’s by definition a generalisation and naturally won’t apply to some individuals, but certainly in my opinion, women throughout the ages have mostly been subjected to a huge male scam and in spite of being male myself, I can’t say I approve.

So, what is this con? It’s one my old favourite subjects – fidelity – of course. I think the easiest way to explain what I’m going on about is probably to try to cut the emotions out of the picture for the moment and look at the basics – not easy for any of us, I admit, but it’s worth a try…

On a purely unemotional basis, there are I think two things we should look at in the beginning…

Firstly, there’s the instinct side of things. Men often claim that it’s their “instinct” to be promiscuous and that it’s all about spreading their genes around. That may indeed be true, to some extent at least. Hang on a moment! Please! Don’t throw that glass, bottle, whatever,  at me – just let me finish first. There is considerable evidence for this instinctive reaction in the animal kingdom – for instance a lion that takes over a pride will often automatically kill existing cubs so that it is only his offspring that will be reared in what has become his harem from then on. That may not be very nice, but it’s the way nature works…

Secondly, all the evidence suggests that women are just as naturally promiscuous as men, but convention has almost always decreed otherwise. Damn! You’re a good shot when you’re riled, aren’t you?

But the important point is that it’s my opinion that those two facts are linked.

The way I see it: in the past, men have always been stronger both physically and having more power – particularly economic power. Additionally, because human children take so long to mature, the males have had to invest considerable time and effort in protecting them and the mother who nurtures them. Therefore, since they instinctively used their power to ensure that it is their children a woman gives birth to and rears.

As women have over the centuries gained education and power of their own the males of our species have insisted on female fidelity, whilst still looking to spread their own genes as far and wide as possible. In history – even relatively recent history – it has been regarded as a vastly more serious crime for women to “stray”, than for a man to do the same thing.

However, women have, partly as a result of their own weak position in this unfair situation and partly because of a preparedness to accept a one-sided convention, been too ready to agree to an abstinence from sex with anyone but their partner as part of the “deal” between male and female that they regard as a relationship. Whereas, in fact, the whole convention is no more than a male con since the female sex drive is just as strong as any man’s, though more often than not as a result of their natural desire to conceive…

…and there’s the weakness, since the presence and support of a male is still regarded as desirable (and even essential by some) for the production and rearing of children, although I can’t for the life of me really see why. There is, in my opinion, little if anything that a couple can do together that most women can’t do perfectly well on their own and for themselves, but they allow those tired old male conventions to keep on dragging them back to the artificial fold that men have created for the purpose.

😉

I Spy With My Little Eye

Posted in Scandalous!, The Blog Spy with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on March 4, 2011 by AF

I spy something beginning with “S” – Yup! It’s the Blog Spy again…

However, this time it’s something a little different. If you’re easily embarrassed or don’t like the subject of sex then I guess this won’t suit you – but then again, if you don’t like the spicy stuff, why do you read this stuff I scribble anyway? What? Did you not figure out that the “S” stood for sex – one of my favourite topics? Aw, shucks, honey.

Nevertheless, this young woman has recently started a blog and is exploring her sexuality and that of others in some detail and fairly openly – apparently both in writing and reality. It isn’t quite as titillating as it sounds, since she’s quite serious about it and writes with humour. In any event, I prefer the more experienced members of the opposite sex, but I imagine she’ll get there, as practice  (so the saying goes) makes perfect. On which basis, it shouldn’t take her very long.

Anyway, this work of hers is part of her studies as a journalism student at university and her writing is quite good, so why not call in at her blog and give her some encouragement, eh? She may of course cease to blog once her studies are done, but I actually hope she keeps it up after university (no pun intended).

The blog in question is named “Sauce and the City” and the post I think I liked most so far from this saucy young lady is this one entitled “My Mother, On Sex” – isn’t it interesting how the younger generation has this belief that parents can’t guess exactly what their offspring like to do in private?

Body And Soul Are Unconnected

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , , , , , on November 21, 2010 by AF

The shape of a person’s body has nothing to do with who they are as a person. At least there are many (particularly women, but men too are beginning to accept this), who would these days have us believe that, especially in Britain and America…

It’s total rubbish of course… Okay? Contentious enough for you, Lilly?

The truth is, to my mind, that a lot of people have confused two things that sound the same, but are entirely different. The first is personality and the second is their value as a person. The two are not really even related

What I don’t understand is why so many insist on connecting the unconnected and yet also feel the need to deny other, quite obvious, associations. Sex and love, for instance, are not at all the same and are not even seriously linked. You may want to make love with someone because you love them and desire intimacy as a result, but sexual chemistry can just as easily dictate that two people who are not in love and have no desire whatsoever for any kind of commitment might desperately want sex together – I’m not saying they should, or even shouldn’t do it – I’m just saying the desire may be there and, all other things being equal, there is no reason why they should not enjoy each other. Equally, though, there are many forms of loving relationship between individuals and either a member of their own gender, or their opposite, that do not require sex as an element of it at all – in fact many are frowned upon, or even illegal, such as brother and sister for example. Even some ordinary married couples have tried sex, don’t like it, but care deeply about each other and want to remain married. It’s each to his or her own, of course, but that in many ways is at least part of my point here…

So, body and soul – or body and personality, if you prefer the term – are not connected? As I said, rubbish! I make no claim as to what effect one might have on the other – in fact it will almost certainly vary from person to person, but anyone’s personality, self-image and much more will be affected by their body. In fact a person’s body shape – or rather their level of physical fitness – also often says, or at least implies, something about them as a person. Naturally, there are always exceptions to every rule and, equally, genetics do have some bearing – as (more importantly in my opinion) does upbringing – but a normally slow moving, or a greedy, or a lazy adult person is more likely to be greatly overweight and unfit. This, of course, applies equally to men and women, but being a heterosexual male, my interest is in the female of our species when it comes to physical appearance.

A woman who has a body that is plainly fit, toned, athletic and so on, will usually (I suspect) stimulate in me an unconfirmed and possibly invalid judgment that she is energetic, cares about herself, has a good self image and, probably even more without any validity, that she may be intelligent because she has the sense to care about her physique. She could well still be a real “cow” of a person, of course, but then body language and some observation of her behaviour could quickly tell me at least some more about even that – all from a distance and without any meeting at all.

Nevertheless, what she is like as a person, as well as my silent, momentary reaction (to which she will no doubt, probably unconsciously, be accustomed), has been influenced by how she looks and, conversely, her personality almost certainly has also influenced how she looks, since few look like that without at least some effort on their part, unless of course she is that one in a million (or maybe it’s one in ten million?) who is genetically pretty much perfect…

😉

Something Contentious

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , , , on November 17, 2010 by AF

“Write something contentious,” Lilly tells me (check out her latest post here)… Yeah, right! That’s easy then – not…

Okay, okay, so I have that annoying habit (which I thoroughly enjoy) of winding people up on occasions, but contentious? Hmmm… we-eeell… the thing is, I don’t comment much on politics, although I certainly have some fairly strong convictions of my own, and I don’t really get much into religion except to say that I could probably best be described as, at the very least, an agnostic. Other people’s beliefs, though, are personal to them and their own business. In my estimation, they are fully entitled to them – unless it’s pushed in my face – and, actually, if I’m honest, they’re welcome to them. But that’s another post I don’t intend to write. So, that pretty much leaves women and sex as subjects for me to pontificate about in this contentious article that “she who must be obeyed” has told me to write… sigh… Oh, Lilly, you do say the darnedest things at times.

Anywaaaay… what can I say? It’s perfectly true that I’m more than happy to talk about sex all day – well, when I’m not actually… then again, I do like to… No! That’s too personal. Okay then – women it is…

When I talk of women, I try to do so as people, not as sex objects, and I have to admit that I do absolutely adore vastly more women than I dislike. Of course, with those that I haven’t had any interaction with on a personal level, my reaction tends to be that of most guys – yes I’d like to, or no I wouldn’t want to, which has nothing whatsoever to with whether I think I might get an offer, or even whether I would be likely to take it up if I did get one – it’s simply a straightforward hormonal reaction born more or less of instinct alone. Nevertheless, when I do get to know members of the opposite sex, I am generally more likely to genuinely like them than I am men.

That said, I really don’t want to live with them! Personally, I think that living together (with or without the benefit of marriage) is just about the worst thing that most couples can do for their relationship. I mean, let’s face it, most men and women are pretty much totally incompatible, but women have this thing that drives them – a desire for pregnancy! It mostly destroys what might have been a great and long term friendship and one heck of an exciting ride in bed for both of them. I accept that many men have an instinctive desire to be fathers, but that’s not to say they really want to be all that involved – after the interesting bit at the beginning, that is.

Why are women (in particular) apparently endlessly looking for that perfect relationship? These days, in our western democracies at least, they are (largely) emancipated, independent, self-sufficient with careers of their own – why complicate things? Why spoil something that is near perfect? Let me ask you a question: if you’re married, or in what they call an LTR these days, do you remember when you were courting? Wasn’t it fun – frustrating for both parties at times, I agree – but fun nevertheless? Perhaps you only saw each other at the weekends or a few times a week. When you met, wasn’t it special? Didn’t your partner make special efforts to please you and to enjoy your company whilst he had you – that’s ‘had’ in terms of you were with him, but the alternative meaning applies just as well? It was all just exciting and fun…

…and then you moved in together, or worse still got married, and it all went downhill from there. You tell yourself that it’s just because things are more stable now and you’re getting on with the more important, more real, things in life. Yes, you keep on telling yourself that, but unless you happen to be one of the incredibly lucky ten percent or so who has found their “soul-mate”, there’s a tiny part of you that knows you’re telling yourself fibs… You do know that, don’t you?

My advice for what it’s worth? Divide the house in half. Don’t meet, if you can possibly help it, and certainly don’t speak except on the phone and only when you know the other half is truly out of the house – except at weekends, that is! Oh, and never, ever, ask awkward questions of each other about your time “apart”. Have faith in the fact that, whatever happens in the longer term, it’s sure as hell gonna be one heck of an exciting ride for now!

Contentious enough for you, Lilly darling?

You Know, I Quite Like Stephen Fry

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , , , , on November 16, 2010 by AF

I admire Stephen Fry and I enjoy most of his programmes on TV and  radio. In fact, to me, he’s often a very funny man. However, I have to wonder at his otherwise undoubted intellect after his recent statement that, “Women don’t really like sex.” If you really want to read the whole article that discusses this in the UK’s Daily Mail, then you can always go here, but I can’t imagine you’ll want to.

I mean, how wrong can a guy be? I’m not sure why, but I would somehow have expected that a gay man would have a little more understanding of women (who are admittedly a breed apart to most “straight” males). Nevertheless, just because women have a different agenda from men has little in my opinion to do with how much they do, or don’t, like sex. Both sexes are equally excited by sex and, left to their own devices and unfettered by society’s conventions, I venture to suggest that women are at heart just as promiscuous and just as randy as any male. But – and it is quite a big “but” (no dear, I’m not being rude about your rear – it’s “but” with only one “T”), our conventions do still have a huge effect on behaviour. Furthermore, women want to have babies (many men, at heart, if they’re honest, which most are far too scared to be, want to father babies and little more).

The female of our species, on the other hand, is driven hormonally to conceive, but more than that, she instinctively feels the need for protection (that she doesn’t really have much use for at all these days) for herself and her child during its rearing, so she looks for a mate and, if he’s any good, she sets out to keep him. That means, if necessary, remaining faithful and doing her best to stop him straying too, or he might find he enjoys the alternative(s) more.

Yes, women undoubtedly use sex to control men and to entice them into relationships they might otherwise not wish to enter into, but that has nothing whatsoever to do with how much women like sex – it is solely due to the fact that many women are much, much tougher than the average male and can go without anything if doing so will be of benefit to their offspring.

So… how about it then, honey? Aw, c’mon… you know you want to….

Are Our Own Lives THAT Boring?

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , , , , on September 5, 2010 by AF

In the UK’s Sun newspaper recently, the top story covering almost the whole of the front page was… wait for it… Cheryl Cole’s divorce from her “love rat” husband, Ashley Cole. Minor news items like a second explosion on another oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico and the fact that house prices in the UK have been falling again at the rate of £92 a day during last month, were consigned to inside, lesser, pages – that’s way inside, well after the tits on page three. About the only good thing I can see in that story making the front page is the fact that they were at last leaving Tiger Woods alone.

Why? Why do they print this nonsense? Why is all this whole “celebrity” thing of any interest to them at all in the first place? The answer is of course – because it sells papers, so who can blame them? But what concerns me is what does that say about us? Are our own lives so boring, so mundane and uninteresting that we can only get pleasure or excitement from seeing and reading about the day to day lives of these often pretty insignificant people.

So, Cole, a quite good footballer “cheated” on his quite pretty, moderately good singer wife. So Tiger Woods was off keeping his hand in (and other parts) whilst he was away playing golf. So what? Yes, it may be bad behaviour and yes, I’m sure lots of celebrities are not very nice people when you get behind closed doors – in fact some of them are downright nasty, even in public. But are they behaving differently, or doing anything that millions of ordinary people aren’t doing all the time?

Well, no, of course they aren’t and that’s my point. Why do we care? Why do we somehow get some kind of satisfaction from the fall from public favour of people like Tiger Woods or Ashley Cole. Woods is famous because he is a brilliant sportsman, as is Cole. Why should we care that they are just as nasty and unreliable in their “private” lives as that unpleasant next-door-but-one neighbour of ours, or indeed as we ourselves might be? How does that in any way enrich our lives one iota?

It all seems very strange to me, but I’ve got to stop there because I have to go and read today’s Screws News of The World in order to discover who’s having it off with whom this weekend…

What do you mean, I’m only jealous?

😉