Archive for the Scandalous! Category

Fickle Now Seems To Be The New Essential

Posted in Scandalous!, Writing and Things Literary with tags , , , on December 19, 2011 by AF

Once upon a time I posted to my blog pretty much on a daily basis – sometimes even more often. I also used to check the blogs I liked the best several times a day. Now it all seems to me to be changing and I’m not alone in that.

Recently, as I’ve visited other blogs in my blog-roll, it appears that fewer and fewer are posting on a regular basis. So, apart from the odd half dozen to whom I can remain faithful, I’m going to have to search out new people to add to my list. Consequently, since I seem to often enjoy those sites written by female bloggers, that means I’m going to be off seeking new women to follow around. At my time of life! I ask you! Is it too much to ask for a little constancy in these modern, fickle times of ours?

Of the eighty or ninety blogs I once followed diligently via RSS, about a third have disappeared altogether over time and less and less post regularly. What do you think has changed? Is it now essential to be fickle and seek out new places to find interest? With the increase in so called online dating, which should often in reality now be called online hooking up for the night, so it appears that everything else has gone the same way too and my impression is that the only current constant is the steadily decreasing value of fidelity, be it with respect to matters relating to sex, friendship, or any other sort of relationship.

What is changing? Is the instant gratification offered by the internet and buying online now permeating all aspects of modern life?

😉

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So, How Do You Like It?

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , , , , , on December 14, 2011 by AF

What? Sex of course! Ah, no! Not in that sort of detail! Too much information! I’m referring to the written sort…

Anyway, the reason I ask is that I’m a guy and I’ve been around the block a few times – well, a lot of times – so I’m pretty uninhibited and I kind of feel that anything consenting adults enjoy doing privately with each other is their business and not my concern – except in my stories, of course, and that’s the point. Myself, I’ve certainly sometimes enjoyed some pornography and I can find it quite… er… interesting. However, whilst porn doesn’t particularly shock or disgust me (though I think some of it can be pretty gross) and I understand the common male attitudes to it, I do usually get quite quickly bored by it and, for me, it’s written erotica that is much more exciting – especially the very sexy, story driven stuff.

Now, additionally, the majority of my readers seem to be women (as far as I can tell) – at least, those who comment are generally of the female persuasion. As a result, I thought I’d see how many of you would complete a simple, light-hearted poll and provide a little more info about your likes and dislikes regarding erotic moments on the written page.

Go on. I promise I won’t tell – just tick as many of the choices as you feel are appropriate to you…

Of course, the poll is just for fun and it’s naturally anonymous – unless you want to tell me more in comments below, but that’ll be our secret, won’t it? Oh and I promise I’ll do my best to protect your identity when it appears in the next book or short story…

😉

I Know It’s Fantasy

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , on November 20, 2011 by AF

…or fiction, or part fiction and part reality, or whatever, but a post on Red Mojo Mama’s blog was on a subject that I tend to mention from time to time – all right then, it’s something I keep banging on about ad nauseam.

The excellent and humorous post (which you can read in full here) was a record of the usual highly entertaining conversation between her fictional character and herself, but in spite of the charming tone of the piece (just like most of her writings), she was making what I think is a very serious point.

I’ve often wondered exactly why it is that (as a generality) women do seem to “need” a man or significant other in their lives in order to somehow feel complete, or they believe that they (or others) should do so. I have made the point in the past that many a female’s bio is written along the lines of, “I’m a wife, mother, sister. I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful son/daughter/both. I live in Bogtown USA (or wherever)… oh and by the way I’m an author/rocket scientist/brain surgeon, etc.”

Why do women do that? Why is it not sufficient and far more important to say something more like, “I’m me. I’m wonderful (on a good day). I’m an author/rocket scientist/whatever”? She may then, it’s true, wish to add a little more detail by saying, “Oh and I have/don’t have children I’m married/have a nice partner/occasionally enjoy myself with a significant other”, but that’s surely secondary to what she is herself, isn’t it?

I admit that it’s a bit less common than it was a few years ago when almost all women rarely seemed to even mention publicly what really mattered about them, or to them, but they still often do behave in that far too selfless fashion nevertheless. Is it the maternal instinct that drives them to care more about others than they do about themselves? Or is it the historical male domination of society that has left women with the feeling that their mission in life should and must be to please some man – all the damn time? Or is it something else?

I’m not championing strident, bitchy, uncaring women here – unending loud belligerence is unattractive whatever a person’s gender – but rather the idea that a quiet confidence is vital because it gives women that inner strength of knowing who they truly are as individuals and therefore what they want, totally independent of any outside others they may care about and want to please and enjoy from time to time. To turn an old English saying around: what’s good for the gander, is absolutely bloody fine for the goose!

Okay then, go ahead and satisfy my masochistic tendencies by tearing my argument to pieces.

😉

Is There A Better Way?

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , , , , on July 8, 2011 by AF

Naturally, I’m talking about sex and relationships. Yeah, I know – what else? However, it’s not just me and my quirky way of looking at things that has triggered this post (for once).

More or less by accident – well via Twitter actually – I came across this post from “MyDevina” who describes her blog as, “a fun, flirty, irreverent look at being sexy, single and over 30”. The post in question got me thinking, yet again, about relationships, friendship and all the rest and my eternal query, do we demand too much from each other and, indeed, from ourselves at times.

It’s a good post and it makes sense if you have the time to pop over and take a look at the full article here. The gist is that we sometimes have a tendency to compare the new partner in our life with the old one – perhaps not always as generously as we should. I guess that would be: if only he/she had been different, or things had worked out another way. Thus the piece highlights the fact that it can on occasions be hard to let go of the past and also suggests a few pretty logical reasons why. Like I said, it’s a good post…

Nevertheless, the part of the post that particularly sparked my thoughts was really just this bit near the beginning: “During our official relationship we were not best friends, and our sex life was good but lacked some trust. After our breakup – and time passing – we became best friends and our sex life was awesome.” Of course, MyDevina is absolutely right and it does take time to develop a “oneness” – a mutual understanding that can result in incredible closeness. Even if your new significant other is going to turn out to be the much talked about and (certainly for some of us) perhaps mythical soul-mate of your life, you’re not going to immediately have that sort of intuition with someone you don’t yet really know, are you?

To me, there are a number of conclusions that could be drawn from all that. In the first place, one could, of course, say that best friends have better sex, but we know that’s not true because strangers who meet in the night can have awesome sex and best friends might want entirely different things in bed anyway. I think that a generosity of spirit is far more important – wanting to give pleasure as much as just wanting to selfishly enjoy it (mixed together with a hefty dose of experience and knowledge of the mechanics involved for the opposite sex of course). That, though, is an attitude that best friends are more likely to feel and exhibit, don’t you think?

However, more importantly in my opinion, is the question this raises about relationships and our expectations from them. One thing that many women go on about endlessly (not unreasonably and I’ve mentioned this before) is the subject of honesty. I have often wondered if the reality isn’t that, if we could all be totally honest about our wants and desires without pressure from others, preconceived ideas about artificial “right and wrong” conventions and what we should have, feel and expect, most women simply want something very different from a relationship than most men. I don’t mean by that just physical side either – not just the old cliché “he only wants me for one thing”, though I don’t see what’s wrong with that either – it’s solely the dishonesty involved that makes it unacceptable, in my opinion. The difficulty with that is, of course, the guy who’s totally honest and says at the outset that, “it’s just sex and I don’t want to wake up in the morning next to you” isn’t going to get laid very often, is he? Or at least not with the average woman he might find attractive when they have both grown up with their current fixed ideas about conventional relationships.

But, as I said, it’s not just about the sex. Doesn’t the piece I quoted suggest that, when you’ve gone through the initial relationship bit and it hasn’t worked out, but you actually like the ex, then the pressure’s off? Thus, you can at last be yourselves – both of you! Gone is the (self inflicted) need to pretend that you feel or want something different from what you do because you know it’s what the other wants and, if you actually had something special together, even though it wasn’t all each of you wanted, that part where you were great together can flourish and become wonderful.

Everyone’s different, of course, and so is every relationship, but aren’t our preconceptions and the conventions we have grown up with and acquired since, the real problem with many if not most relationships that don’t work out long term? Do we in fact just expect too damned much from others and even from life itself? Perhaps the perfect life – the “American dream” if you like (for my friends in the US) – is just an ideal that most of us will seek and not actually find. If you have found it, then good luck to you and my advice for what it’s worth is to hang onto it for dear life. Do, though, just take the time and trouble to “read between the lines” to make sure that your partner really does view your relationship in the same light, whatever he or she says – honesty cuts both ways!

😉

You’ve Been Conned, Honey!

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , , , , , , , on March 21, 2011 by AF

Well, not just you, but all women. Of course, when I start talking about “all” women, it’s by definition a generalisation and naturally won’t apply to some individuals, but certainly in my opinion, women throughout the ages have mostly been subjected to a huge male scam and in spite of being male myself, I can’t say I approve.

So, what is this con? It’s one my old favourite subjects – fidelity – of course. I think the easiest way to explain what I’m going on about is probably to try to cut the emotions out of the picture for the moment and look at the basics – not easy for any of us, I admit, but it’s worth a try…

On a purely unemotional basis, there are I think two things we should look at in the beginning…

Firstly, there’s the instinct side of things. Men often claim that it’s their “instinct” to be promiscuous and that it’s all about spreading their genes around. That may indeed be true, to some extent at least. Hang on a moment! Please! Don’t throw that glass, bottle, whatever,  at me – just let me finish first. There is considerable evidence for this instinctive reaction in the animal kingdom – for instance a lion that takes over a pride will often automatically kill existing cubs so that it is only his offspring that will be reared in what has become his harem from then on. That may not be very nice, but it’s the way nature works…

Secondly, all the evidence suggests that women are just as naturally promiscuous as men, but convention has almost always decreed otherwise. Damn! You’re a good shot when you’re riled, aren’t you?

But the important point is that it’s my opinion that those two facts are linked.

The way I see it: in the past, men have always been stronger both physically and having more power – particularly economic power. Additionally, because human children take so long to mature, the males have had to invest considerable time and effort in protecting them and the mother who nurtures them. Therefore, since they instinctively used their power to ensure that it is their children a woman gives birth to and rears.

As women have over the centuries gained education and power of their own the males of our species have insisted on female fidelity, whilst still looking to spread their own genes as far and wide as possible. In history – even relatively recent history – it has been regarded as a vastly more serious crime for women to “stray”, than for a man to do the same thing.

However, women have, partly as a result of their own weak position in this unfair situation and partly because of a preparedness to accept a one-sided convention, been too ready to agree to an abstinence from sex with anyone but their partner as part of the “deal” between male and female that they regard as a relationship. Whereas, in fact, the whole convention is no more than a male con since the female sex drive is just as strong as any man’s, though more often than not as a result of their natural desire to conceive…

…and there’s the weakness, since the presence and support of a male is still regarded as desirable (and even essential by some) for the production and rearing of children, although I can’t for the life of me really see why. There is, in my opinion, little if anything that a couple can do together that most women can’t do perfectly well on their own and for themselves, but they allow those tired old male conventions to keep on dragging them back to the artificial fold that men have created for the purpose.

😉

I Spy With My Little Eye

Posted in Scandalous!, The Blog Spy with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on March 4, 2011 by AF

I spy something beginning with “S” – Yup! It’s the Blog Spy again…

However, this time it’s something a little different. If you’re easily embarrassed or don’t like the subject of sex then I guess this won’t suit you – but then again, if you don’t like the spicy stuff, why do you read this stuff I scribble anyway? What? Did you not figure out that the “S” stood for sex – one of my favourite topics? Aw, shucks, honey.

Nevertheless, this young woman has recently started a blog and is exploring her sexuality and that of others in some detail and fairly openly – apparently both in writing and reality. It isn’t quite as titillating as it sounds, since she’s quite serious about it and writes with humour. In any event, I prefer the more experienced members of the opposite sex, but I imagine she’ll get there, as practice  (so the saying goes) makes perfect. On which basis, it shouldn’t take her very long.

Anyway, this work of hers is part of her studies as a journalism student at university and her writing is quite good, so why not call in at her blog and give her some encouragement, eh? She may of course cease to blog once her studies are done, but I actually hope she keeps it up after university (no pun intended).

The blog in question is named “Sauce and the City” and the post I think I liked most so far from this saucy young lady is this one entitled “My Mother, On Sex” – isn’t it interesting how the younger generation has this belief that parents can’t guess exactly what their offspring like to do in private?

Body And Soul Are Unconnected

Posted in Scandalous! with tags , , , , , , , , on November 21, 2010 by AF

The shape of a person’s body has nothing to do with who they are as a person. At least there are many (particularly women, but men too are beginning to accept this), who would these days have us believe that, especially in Britain and America…

It’s total rubbish of course… Okay? Contentious enough for you, Lilly?

The truth is, to my mind, that a lot of people have confused two things that sound the same, but are entirely different. The first is personality and the second is their value as a person. The two are not really even related

What I don’t understand is why so many insist on connecting the unconnected and yet also feel the need to deny other, quite obvious, associations. Sex and love, for instance, are not at all the same and are not even seriously linked. You may want to make love with someone because you love them and desire intimacy as a result, but sexual chemistry can just as easily dictate that two people who are not in love and have no desire whatsoever for any kind of commitment might desperately want sex together – I’m not saying they should, or even shouldn’t do it – I’m just saying the desire may be there and, all other things being equal, there is no reason why they should not enjoy each other. Equally, though, there are many forms of loving relationship between individuals and either a member of their own gender, or their opposite, that do not require sex as an element of it at all – in fact many are frowned upon, or even illegal, such as brother and sister for example. Even some ordinary married couples have tried sex, don’t like it, but care deeply about each other and want to remain married. It’s each to his or her own, of course, but that in many ways is at least part of my point here…

So, body and soul – or body and personality, if you prefer the term – are not connected? As I said, rubbish! I make no claim as to what effect one might have on the other – in fact it will almost certainly vary from person to person, but anyone’s personality, self-image and much more will be affected by their body. In fact a person’s body shape – or rather their level of physical fitness – also often says, or at least implies, something about them as a person. Naturally, there are always exceptions to every rule and, equally, genetics do have some bearing – as (more importantly in my opinion) does upbringing – but a normally slow moving, or a greedy, or a lazy adult person is more likely to be greatly overweight and unfit. This, of course, applies equally to men and women, but being a heterosexual male, my interest is in the female of our species when it comes to physical appearance.

A woman who has a body that is plainly fit, toned, athletic and so on, will usually (I suspect) stimulate in me an unconfirmed and possibly invalid judgment that she is energetic, cares about herself, has a good self image and, probably even more without any validity, that she may be intelligent because she has the sense to care about her physique. She could well still be a real “cow” of a person, of course, but then body language and some observation of her behaviour could quickly tell me at least some more about even that – all from a distance and without any meeting at all.

Nevertheless, what she is like as a person, as well as my silent, momentary reaction (to which she will no doubt, probably unconsciously, be accustomed), has been influenced by how she looks and, conversely, her personality almost certainly has also influenced how she looks, since few look like that without at least some effort on their part, unless of course she is that one in a million (or maybe it’s one in ten million?) who is genetically pretty much perfect…

😉