I Know It’s Fantasy
…or fiction, or part fiction and part reality, or whatever, but a post on Red Mojo Mama’s blog was on a subject that I tend to mention from time to time – all right then, it’s something I keep banging on about ad nauseam.
The excellent and humorous post (which you can read in full here) was a record of the usual highly entertaining conversation between her fictional character and herself, but in spite of the charming tone of the piece (just like most of her writings), she was making what I think is a very serious point.
I’ve often wondered exactly why it is that (as a generality) women do seem to “need” a man or significant other in their lives in order to somehow feel complete, or they believe that they (or others) should do so. I have made the point in the past that many a female’s bio is written along the lines of, “I’m a wife, mother, sister. I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful son/daughter/both. I live in Bogtown USA (or wherever)… oh and by the way I’m an author/rocket scientist/brain surgeon, etc.”
Why do women do that? Why is it not sufficient and far more important to say something more like, “I’m me. I’m wonderful (on a good day). I’m an author/rocket scientist/whatever”? She may then, it’s true, wish to add a little more detail by saying, “Oh and I have/don’t have children I’m married/have a nice partner/occasionally enjoy myself with a significant other”, but that’s surely secondary to what she is herself, isn’t it?
I admit that it’s a bit less common than it was a few years ago when almost all women rarely seemed to even mention publicly what really mattered about them, or to them, but they still often do behave in that far too selfless fashion nevertheless. Is it the maternal instinct that drives them to care more about others than they do about themselves? Or is it the historical male domination of society that has left women with the feeling that their mission in life should and must be to please some man – all the damn time? Or is it something else?
I’m not championing strident, bitchy, uncaring women here – unending loud belligerence is unattractive whatever a person’s gender – but rather the idea that a quiet confidence is vital because it gives women that inner strength of knowing who they truly are as individuals and therefore what they want, totally independent of any outside others they may care about and want to please and enjoy from time to time. To turn an old English saying around: what’s good for the gander, is absolutely bloody fine for the goose!
Okay then, go ahead and satisfy my masochistic tendencies by tearing my argument to pieces.