Something Contentious

“Write something contentious,” Lilly tells me (check out her latest post here)… Yeah, right! That’s easy then – not…

Okay, okay, so I have that annoying habit (which I thoroughly enjoy) of winding people up on occasions, but contentious? Hmmm… we-eeell… the thing is, I don’t comment much on politics, although I certainly have some fairly strong convictions of my own, and I don’t really get much into religion except to say that I could probably best be described as, at the very least, an agnostic. Other people’s beliefs, though, are personal to them and their own business. In my estimation, they are fully entitled to them – unless it’s pushed in my face – and, actually, if I’m honest, they’re welcome to them. But that’s another post I don’t intend to write. So, that pretty much leaves women and sex as subjects for me to pontificate about in this contentious article that “she who must be obeyed” has told me to write… sigh… Oh, Lilly, you do say the darnedest things at times.

Anywaaaay… what can I say? It’s perfectly true that I’m more than happy to talk about sex all day – well, when I’m not actually… then again, I do like to… No! That’s too personal. Okay then – women it is…

When I talk of women, I try to do so as people, not as sex objects, and I have to admit that I do absolutely adore vastly more women than I dislike. Of course, with those that I haven’t had any interaction with on a personal level, my reaction tends to be that of most guys – yes I’d like to, or no I wouldn’t want to, which has nothing whatsoever to with whether I think I might get an offer, or even whether I would be likely to take it up if I did get one – it’s simply a straightforward hormonal reaction born more or less of instinct alone. Nevertheless, when I do get to know members of the opposite sex, I am generally more likely to genuinely like them than I am men.

That said, I really don’t want to live with them! Personally, I think that living together (with or without the benefit of marriage) is just about the worst thing that most couples can do for their relationship. I mean, let’s face it, most men and women are pretty much totally incompatible, but women have this thing that drives them – a desire for pregnancy! It mostly destroys what might have been a great and long term friendship and one heck of an exciting ride in bed for both of them. I accept that many men have an instinctive desire to be fathers, but that’s not to say they really want to be all that involved – after the interesting bit at the beginning, that is.

Why are women (in particular) apparently endlessly looking for that perfect relationship? These days, in our western democracies at least, they are (largely) emancipated, independent, self-sufficient with careers of their own – why complicate things? Why spoil something that is near perfect? Let me ask you a question: if you’re married, or in what they call an LTR these days, do you remember when you were courting? Wasn’t it fun – frustrating for both parties at times, I agree – but fun nevertheless? Perhaps you only saw each other at the weekends or a few times a week. When you met, wasn’t it special? Didn’t your partner make special efforts to please you and to enjoy your company whilst he had you – that’s ‘had’ in terms of you were with him, but the alternative meaning applies just as well? It was all just exciting and fun…

…and then you moved in together, or worse still got married, and it all went downhill from there. You tell yourself that it’s just because things are more stable now and you’re getting on with the more important, more real, things in life. Yes, you keep on telling yourself that, but unless you happen to be one of the incredibly lucky ten percent or so who has found their “soul-mate”, there’s a tiny part of you that knows you’re telling yourself fibs… You do know that, don’t you?

My advice for what it’s worth? Divide the house in half. Don’t meet, if you can possibly help it, and certainly don’t speak except on the phone and only when you know the other half is truly out of the house – except at weekends, that is! Oh, and never, ever, ask awkward questions of each other about your time “apart”. Have faith in the fact that, whatever happens in the longer term, it’s sure as hell gonna be one heck of an exciting ride for now!

Contentious enough for you, Lilly darling?

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6 Responses to “Something Contentious”

  1. Ha! In the grand scheme of things, Mr. Hot and I are both fine living together or alone, but I do much better when we’re apart than he does. I think it’s because there’s no one to actually hear his ranting about all of the world’s injustices when I’m not around. 🙂 And I do NOT do telephones.

    How are you, my dear?

    • Hi you, gorgeous. I’m fine thanks. How are you? Glad to see that you came back as well.

      I know what you mean about telephones – I’m the same… still, it was just a suggestion – you know… just being contentious 😆

  2. Ha ha – he’s back!

    Strangely I think what you are saying is correct in many ways. I know, how contentious of me.

    However, do you reckon all blokes when they meet you are deciding whether they would or they wouldnt? That is kind of is a turn off really. I do like flirting though, but not being rated!

    I think Ree is right – females can survive on their own better than males. Its men who need partners not necessarily the other way round. I mean who would do the cooking and cleaning otherwise, lol? How many blokes do you know cannot stay single and alone for a second? Men move on qucikly.

    I think women are definitely getting fussier that is true. Even my mother had a go at my daughter for being so fussy with boyfriends. In my mother’s generation you settled I think. Younger kids are not prepared to as they want it all in all aspects of their life. I think the world as we know it is going to be turned on its head. My daughter told me if she ever gets to 30 and doesnt have a partner she will have children on her own. And, many of her friends say the same. I have no opinion about that because lots of women marry, then divorce and somehow usually have to bring the kids up alone anyway.

    So I guess Generation Y or Z or whoever they are, are doing exactly what you think is an OK thing to do. I guess that means you need to have a girlfriend in her 20s…I am not giving you permission just saying..ha ha.

    • Hah! Gotcha 😆

      Yes, I get what you are saying and, a lot of the time I expect you’re right… I’ve always known I’m a bit of an oddity since I LOVE to cook and I’m quite happy (even prefer) to be totally self sufficient – on top of which I like my own company.

      In fact, I think we’re both right in as much as the real difficulty arises because far too few people are unable to be “alone” (or single if you prefer the expression) male and female alike. However, it was more “contentious” to claim that it is mostly women… 😐

      As to the way men look at women, as a broad generality only, yes I do think that a part of us does look at women as a “potential lay” to put it crudely, but I specifically DIDN’T say when we MEET them, but only from a distance and before we make any meaningful contact, on top of which, it is even then only as some kind of remote fantasy. Let’s face it, women are the same – they see a hunk and their imagination goes into overdrive, but it’s only fantasy and the moment they actually meet they either like or dislike the PERSON, which changes everything. At least that’s the way I see it – well, sort of…

      For the future, I see it as being better. Young people of any sex are far more prepared to stick their fingers up at convention and they now tend frequently to only want to get into an LTR of unspecified duration when it “feels right” these days – and THAT, in my opinion HAS to be a good thing!

      Got you going though… 😆

  3. Interesting as always Adam.

    I’ve never had the desire to be pregnant so maybe that’s why my husband and I get along so well. (His kids were grown when we met.)

    I’m with Lilly– Being “rated” is a turn-off and it’s easy to spot a guy in that mind-space. When I was single, I walked the other way from guys like that.

    But, I’ll be honest, I enjoy business trips away and time by myself. It’s a chance to catch my breath and not be responsible for anyone for a while.

    Did you hear the news report that people with a higher level of education tend NOT to get married– Maybe society is getting smarter about marriage???

    Cheers Adam, jj

    • Oh, I agree pretty much with all of that, including you and Lilly and thank you both for commenting…

      However, I never mentioned “rating” in any shape or form – Lilly (and now you) – being female I guess – have read something into my words that I never intended should be there – why do both men AND women do that with respect to things the other sex says – it makes life very difficult at times??? 😉

      What I was ACTUALLY saying was that this is the first (and often the only) impression men get of members of the opposite sex that they have not met (and may never do so) and I reckon almost all men (probably and women) do it at that VERY superficial level before actual contact. Anyone who says otherwise is either asexual or kidding themselves – whether something is easy on the eye of the beholder, whatever it is, is part of ANY sighted person’s reaction, since to (frequently unconsciously) find something beautiful or ugly is part of the human condition.

      I mean that in exactly the same way as you might look at a building you’ve never seen before and think, “What a beautiful building. I’d like to see more,” or, “God! That’s an ugly structure!” Those feelings are beyond your control “gut”, personal reactions. If you did find out more, you might well discover that the pretty building is devoid of content and uninteresting and the ugly one was full of character and excitement inside, but THAT would not change your initial reaction, nor make it any less valid at that superficial level…

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