A Question Of Sex

Well, more accurately, this is a question about sex, but it seemed like a catchier title put that way…

Anywaaaaay… There are all sorts of opinions about sex – let’s face it, it’s a pretty basic feature of more or less all animal life, but humans seem to have endowed it with a unique mysticism that other species have so far managed to avoid.

However, there are similarities between the approach to sex of almost all species – in most cases, the male wants it and if he manages to impress a female sufficiently, then she might let him have it. So, that’s more or less how it works for people too, isn’t it?

The question I can’t quite figure out is something of a “chicken and egg” one. These days when sex before marriage (or even commitment) is more or less the norm, does an average male want to marry a woman so that she’ll keep on letting him have sex with her (perhaps exclusively – he often apparently hopes), or does he want to marry her because she lets him have sex with her?

Before everyone gets too upset with me over this, I know there are lots of other aspects involved – love, caring, desire to protect, raising a family together, partnership, companionship and so many more factors it’s difficult to list them all, but sex still certainly seems to be the primary issue involved in most relationships – so, do people want to be and stay together as couples because of the sex, or is sex just something that couples want to do with each other just as a result of the fact that they are a couple in the first place? Chicken or egg?

Of course, there is another possibility that is much more in tune with what I believe – that sex is something that virtually all people of all genders and all sexual persuasions want and enjoy when the right chemistry is present between them and some want to turn that into a more long lasting and often more exclusive arrangement for other reasons, such as raising a family. That question of family certainly explains the demand for fidelity since males clearly instinctively want to be as sure as they can that the offspring they raise do indeed carry their genes… and yet… and yet there’s a whole lot more to it, as I just listed.

It’s very complex and I do understand some of the demands made, although fidelity has never seemed to me to make much sense – as I’ve mentioned on a couple of previous occasions – not least because men usually seem to demand it of their female partners on all sorts of levels and yet will frequently feel that such restrictions should not apply to them at all – an inequality I totally disagree with!

Nevertheless, it’s always seemed to me that relationships are often really about everything except sex, which is a frequently vital and yet at the same time only an incidental part of the equation and the question I suppose I’m trying to figure out here is really whether sex is an integral component of a relationship between a couple, or not. Is it in fact not actually that important at all as long as they don’t begin by placing unrealistic demands of fidelity on each other when they are initially viewing the prospect of their future together through rose tinted spectacles?

Purely hypothetically, how would a relationship work out if a couple who loved and cared for each other agreed right at the outset to use artificial insemination and never to have sex together, but to place no restrictions at all on each other’s physical pleasures with others outside of the relationship? Would it be possible? Could it work? Would jealousy destroy it, or if approached openly, honestly and equally, would it do away with many of the stresses and strains from which most relationships often suffer?

It’s just question – a silly one perhaps, but an interesting one (I think) nevertheless…


4 Responses to “A Question Of Sex”

  1. Sarah Says:

    Interesting post friend. I have been married 13 years and together with my husband for 16 and believe me when I say that marriage has a tendency transform sex as the years pass. But to say that it is entirely because of marriage could be misleading because I often wonder if those that choose not to marry but remain in a committed relationship find that sex changes with them also….

    Like everything in life, I think sex in a relationship ebbs and flows and if you don’t have a solid foundation in the areas of love, trust and humor, it isn’t going to last—no matter how good the lay is.

    • Yes, I think you’re absolutely right and, generally, when I talk about marriage, I’m really talking about an LTR of any arrangement.

      I do think that, for many couples (and this is probably for women as well as men) the sex often becomes stale. Some of course manage to avoid that and it often depends on how imaginative they both are and how hard they work at it, but yes it ebbs and flows – the trouble is, when it ebbs, you don’t always know if it IS going to flow again or not because two individuals’ sex drive is rarely in sync for very long.

      I just wonder if two people (as far as I can tell like you and your man) sometimes don’t have so much going for them that the sex is not all that important in the relationship… though LACK of it if it wasn’t there might well be – if you see what I mean.

      I’m just hypothesising in all this you understand… still it’s theory – whether it’s a crazy one or not I leave to others to decide…


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    Christian,Earn Free Vouchers / Cash

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