I Wonder About Women

Well, yes I guess I would wonder about women, wouldn’t I? After all, I’m a guy… However, the eternal, “God! She’s hot! What would it be like to…” well, you get the point I’m sure – that’s not what I’m wondering about women just at the moment… although there is this redhead…

Sorry, I’m getting off the point – well, in truth I haven’t actually got to the point yet, have I?

Sooooo-oo… considering all the razzmatazz there has been about women’s rights, emancipation, equality, freedom and all the rest, I have been quite taken aback this last week or so.

“How come?” I hear you crying out (that wasn’t a yawn, was it?)

Well, the thing is that I’ve been looking into Blogfrog recently (I joined heaven knows how long ago and have pretty much ignored it ever since because the widgets don’t work on WordPress.com – grrr!). It’s very interesting because, if you look for “friends”, it throws up a long list of people who it thinks match whatever you put about yourself in your profile. For some reason I can’t imagine, most of those it listed for me were women – go figure!

Anyway, Blogfrog displays a brief description of each blogger and the thing that surprised, indeed shocked,  me was the way the women had described themselves. I was stunned at just how many of them seemed to start with something like, “I’m a mom of two (three, four, five, a soccer team – whatever)…” or “I’m a wife and married to this wonderful superman…”

The point I’m making is that so many of these women (some of whom were very interesting and talented people when I went and read their blogs) seemed to define themselves in terms of the other people in their lives. I have people I love and care about in my life, but I don’t use them to define “me”. I am what I am. It’s no one else’s fault. I’m just me! Why do so many women see themselves only as someone else’s wife, mother, sister, friend, or even f*ck buddy? It’s what they do, not what they are!

It’s awful! To me, so many of them are such special people, why would they put themselves down in that way?

9 Responses to “I Wonder About Women”

  1. I’ve noticed the exact same thing on so many blogs. I don’t get it either.

    That said, I need to go read my profile now– I wrote it a very long time ago and have no memory of what I wrote– I doubt I’m guilty but I’m gonna check.


    • Hi jj. It amazed me. It appears that other people matter more to these women than they do to themselves. I know women are supposed to be the most caring sex, but that’s ridiculous. If women don’t value themselves how can they expect others to do so?

      Yet in those summaries many appear to define themselves almost exclusively in terms of the other people around them and only mention the careers, skills, talents, etc. they have – even their blogs or reasons for blogging – as almost no more than an afterthought that’s tacked on the end – if it’s there at all.

      As I said – amazing and, to me, quite sad 😦

  2. This is a really great post and so true.

    However, when you are in the situation of being a stay at home mother looking after house, kids and partner I think thats how yu do end up defining yourself. I know my baby sister is struggling with this very thing – she doesnt feel so proud of herself as she doesnt think she is accomplishing much on her own. Of course its something a male would never ever think about I daresay. Glad you raised the point though, its something that needs to be said and commented on more widely.

    I am going to start looking out for this myself too.

    Great thought provoker this one!

    • Yes, I agree and I can quite understand how it comes about, but it’s something that women in particular need to be aware of and careful to avoid.

      Having “me” time and a “me” attitude as PART of her makeup is some of what makes a woman fascinating to me – if all a woman talks about is the other people in her life and not herself at all, ABSOLUTELY without MEANING to, I find I lose any interest very quickly in her – as a person!

      Some women (more than I thought it seems) turn themselves into “part of the furniture” and then wonder why some guys treat them that way…

      Sad – they clearly need to “get out more”! 😦

  3. very interesting post and question.
    You might be making a bigger deal of this than it deserves. However it is interesting. Doesn’t it really depend on the age of the person? A young person would identify with being a student.

    Being a good parent (we all are right?) is an accomplishment to be proud of. Many men define themselves by their work. I know that can make being laid off even harder to accept.

    I would not assume that women that identify themselves as mom, and wife as lacking self confidence or value themselves.

    One very good point you make though is to expand one’s definition and self worth.

    Something I’ve noticed about active bloggers – most of them are women.

    BTW – came over from Lilly’s Life

    • Great to see you here and thanks, Lilly. Good comment and I agree – up to a point, but…

      Well, I think it’s perhaps more significant than you assume. Yes many men would perhaps define themselves in part in terms of what they do for a living, but in most cases that would certainly not be, except in passing, their basic three line description of themselves from their blog. Most would identify their interests and passions – what they believe is significant about them!

      All I’m saying is that, if women’s version of that amounts principally to how other people figure in their lives, then no wonder the divorce rate is going through the roof.

      IF that evidence is to be believed and those female students who were once excited to see themselves as learning machines with an exciting future, now only see themselves as mother to Charlie and wife to Cedric or whatever, what happened to the PEOPLE they once were? Is it enough just to be a wife and a mother? I don’t think so because, important though those things are, that is a waste and belittles them as a real, COMPLETE and individual person.

      It, in my view, could make them less of an exciting person and therefore more likely to lose the interest of the people by whom they have taken to defining themselves…

      I think that’s sad, but then maybe it’s just that I’m much more attracted by exciting, independent women.

  4. Guilty as freaking charged. It is ironic because I come across as anything but a wife/mother in my blog. I’ll tell you why I do it—it defines who I am because I don’t have a “traditional career”. That is poor reason, but it is true.

    I have been thinking about my topic for my 500th post and it coincides with this very topic—and giving myself an additional title. Great post!

    • I understand, but I disagree with your reason…

      What you, I suspect, realise only too well is that this is exactly my point. Being a wife and/or (perhaps even more importantly) a mother is so important and so vital, but to me it is not who you are! To assume so devalues you as an individual – in a way. You are so much more than that – as your blog shows.

      In my opinion, what you are inside you – what makes you tick as a person – should define who you are. If you have a “traditional” career that is more of a vocation, then that could help to define who you are since, in that instance, you do what you do because of who you are in your head – if you see what I mean.

      The essence of “you” defines you, not who you’re with however important they may be to you, or however much you may love them!

  5. OK. Given. You are right. But, I think I can tell you why… at least to my mind.
    Society dictates it. Well, at least to some extent. Those creative minds that break out of the “woman” mold do so going against the grain at least a little bit. And I’m not saying that nowadays there is a chauvinistic factor that comes close to equaling the distant past but, most woman still feel, at least a little, even if it’s subconsciously, that FIRST they have to be there for everyone else.
    It is even more extraordinary to find wonderfully talented female writers, if you ask me. And they are out there!

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