The Supermarket Doctor

One day, in line at the works cafe, Jack said to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I’d better go see a doctor!”

“Listen mate; don’t waste your time down at the surgery,” Mike replied. “There’s a diagnostic computer at that big new supermarket just outside town. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It only takes ten seconds and costs just five quid. That’s whole lot quicker and better than the doctor and you get loyalty card points, too.”

Jack was a bit sceptical, but reckoned it sounded like a good idea and was worth a try. So, he collected a urine sample in a small jar and took it to the supermarket. He deposited five pounds and the computer lit up and asked for the urine sample. He poured the sample into the slot and waited…

Sure enough, ten seconds later, the computer ejected a printout:

  1. You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity for two weeks and it should improve in that time.

Jack was amazed and went home to do as instructed. That evening whilst still thinking how excellent this new technology was, he began to wonder if the computer could be fooled. So, he mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter and ‘pleasured himself’ into the mixture just for good measure. Then he hurried back to the supermarket, eager to see what would happen.

He put five pounds into the machine, poured in his concoction, and awaited the results with a grin. The computer printed out the following:

  1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
  2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
  3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
  4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.
  5. And if you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow is never going to get better….

** Thank you for shopping at Super Supermarkets **


6 Responses to “The Supermarket Doctor”

  1. That was funny.

    Personally I always refer to Dr Google myself before consulting a medical practitioner for whatever ails me. He’s not bad actually.

    • I think you’re right and yes, I think it’s funny too – I hope that doesn’t me we both have a warped sense of humour… Nah! Couldn’t be 😆

  2. girl du jour Says:

    That was funny.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: