Finally – The Male Rules

Whilst I’m not quite sure that I entirely personally subscribe to a few of these rules, being male myself, I am not inclined to nit-pick over the whole darned document just because of minor points on which I am of the opinion that some discussion might be valid. Therefore, I am pleased at last to be able to publish “The Rules” as bravely produced and recorded for future generations to study by one headstrong and perhaps foolhardy male without fear, favour, malice or concern for his own personal safety and in the face of untold (and perhaps unimaginable) danger.

The man is indeed a hero amongst men and here follows the unabridged document itself…

“I put forward these following rules in an intended spirit of unbiased helpful assistance particularly for the consideration of all women, but for men too. Please note the fact that all the rules are numbered ‘1’ and that this is entirely intentional…

1. Men are not  mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports: It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides… Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail!

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Even obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us!

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the  other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. Men tend to see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really!

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or Hockey.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.”

Addendum: It has been reported that the original author of this is currently located in an igloo somewhere north of the Arctic Circle and is now apparently devoid of any gender specific identifying features…


10 Responses to “Finally – The Male Rules”

  1. Much humor is based, in part, on truth. Some humor is based entirely on truth. This is a painful example of the latter. And I laughed. Oy.

  2. haha..I do have too many shoes BUT now that navigation is in the cars, it saves you from needing to ask directions, yes? 🙂

    And I leave sports sunday well alone. LOL.

  3. Best part ~ the addendum!

  4. Ha! Love that one. And if more woman understood…
    “Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.” their lives would be sooooo much easier.

    And for the record, there is no such thing as too many shoes.

    Have a great weekend.

    • Well – I do agree – it’s just a point of view, of course…

      On a more serious note, though, I think there is quite a deal of truth hidden within it. Men are the way they are, just as women are the way they are. Neither is right or wrong… they are, as I said, just differing points of view.

      The shoes? Hmm… Well, naturally I wouldn’t dream of arguing with you, but it’s yet another point of view too, isn’t it? 😆

  5. Well I have to say its all true and think whoever wrote it is very clever. I actually resorted to reading Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus at some point or other and learnt so much. Its so true. Women need to tak about their problems and men just want to solve the damn things and move on. I think when you do understand the differences between the sexes it makes for a more harmonious relationship. Your expectations are moderated lol! Men have far more simple lives. Fullstop. Oh and one thing we Aussie girls love our sports so we dont mind discussing football or watching it either. As long as we dont chatter too much in the game or discuss the hotness of any fo the players….mind you it took me a long time to get used to UK football, or soccer as we know it, when I lived over there. By the way do you know South Hampton – I think that is how it is spelt my nephew is going to go to university there.

    • Yes. The thing both sexes need to do more of is not only trying to understand the other’s point of view – but to just ACCEPT it. We’re different – rejoice in the fact.

      South Hampton it ISN’T (not quite) – it’s Southampton (nextdoor to Portsmouth on the south coast). Lovely city – lots to do etc.

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