Maybe Free Love Is The Answer After All

Okay, let’s have a bit of fun… This is just a hypothesis – one slightly off the wall way of looking at something and I should admit right away that there are times when I am fully aware that I haven’t made myself entirely clear. Likewise, there are other occasions when I feel that I’ve made my intentions perfectly plain, but sundry other people seem to delight in misunderstanding me – well, that’s how I see it, on bad days at least.

Anyway… that being so and since this subject is particularly open to all sorts of misinterpretation, I will try to set things out in a bit more orderly fashion than I sometimes do, so please bear with me whilst I put this down one step at a time…

Whatever their standpoint, be it god-fearing, creationist, agnostic, atheist, feminist, male chauvinist, new man/woman or whatever, I imagine there are few people who will not these days accept that humans are not naturally monogamous – I’m not discussing whether they would do anything about that if they are in a relationship, I’m simply referring to their underlying sex drive when unrestrained by convention or belief.

Once they have passed the besotted stage, there can be few people even in a solid and serious relationship who, if they are honest, will not admit that, at some point in time they have looked at another person and thought, “I could get into serious trouble over her/him.” They may do no more than that, perhaps out of respect for their partner, but the thought alone indicates that we are by nature, at some basic level, promiscuous, otherwise such feelings would surely not occur at all.

Hopefully, you’re still with me, because, if we’re going to run with this and we can’t agree on that fundamental premise, then I might as well give up now. So, assuming you’re still reading… You are? Oh good! Then my second suggestion (and I’ve said this before, but it’s one of the many things I don’t think I made myself clear about), is this…

Now, please imagine if you can, a society that is totally different from ours is at present. Think of yourself and everyone else you know as being just as now, but with one vital difference – our make-believe society doesn’t criticise promiscuity in any way at all. It embraces it as absolutely normal, pleasing and beneficial. You’re not changing how you behave, you were brought up believing that people just have sex whenever and wherever they feel like it with whoever they meet and find desirable (if they are willing) and it’s no big deal. Imagine that all of society does this and nobody thinks anything more of it than that sex is just a nice, fun, extremely enjoyable thing you do with friends!

If that were the case, how would that affect our relationships? In what way would couples behave differently towards each other? Well… I’d like to suggest that it would generally improve them out of all recognition!

For a start, men particularly, but women too, would not be looking mainly for a hot piece of ass, which, whatever you think they should be doing, they most certainly are at present! It’s not everything, but it’s way more important than it probably should be and, if it were just a nice bonus and there was no jealousy when she enjoyed favouring others, or he did – because it would be expected and normal – then they would concentrate on things that really matter, like genuine feelings such as love and caring, planning their joint future, raising their family, their hobbies and interests both together and separately and so on. Don’t tell me that most (certainly younger) couples are in love rather than in lust, because I don’t think they can tell the difference – until the initial excitement and newness has worn off, which is when the first seeds of divorce are sown. Take lust out of the equation and people start to get together simply because they want to be together, which is at best often only a part of the attraction at present.

Okay, so that’s just a fantasy society, although it does actually exist – in Zaire – and it’s extremely successful, with far less aggression and violence than we experience in our daily lives. Sex is freely offered, given and received in just about every copulatory position imaginable and is purely for pleasure between males and females, but also female with female and male with male – it’s just fun and no big deal at all! The sex seems to reduce stress and tension and jealousy and envy barely exist.

It is admittedly a tribal society of pygmies and relatively primitive when compared with ours, but it is very successful and, ladies, it is egalitarian at the very least and some consider it to be female dominated! But our petty jealousies and wasted emotions involving sex and who’s having it with whom simply don’t exist, so they can get on with living and enjoying life.

Who are they? They are the Bonobos and they have what is, in some eyes, an almost idyllic society that may well show us the way forward far more than many might at first think. You can read in detail about their happy and free culture starting here…


9 Responses to “Maybe Free Love Is The Answer After All”

  1. Monogamy isn’t easy, nor is it a natural biological arrangement for either males or females.

    MANY people conduct all aspects of their lives according to “What will the neighbors think?” So if you remove the societal stigma from promiscuity, it would increase slowly at first, then by leaps and bounds.

    There are, though, entire groups of people who would not go down that path, one of which is Christians…and not the legions of folks who talk the talk but don’t walk the walk, I mean Christians. The bible is very clear on the subject of marriage.

    Additionally, there are some people (me) who love their spouse or partner so much they would never stray. If you have it great at home, it doesn’t even cross your mind.

    Do I think Clint Eastwood is sexy? You bet. Does that mean I would cheat with him? No way.

    • Oh yes, I’m fully aware that there are groups of people whose beliefs preclude any sort of behaviour (including sexual attitudes) that you want to mention and Christians who are not (as you describe them) simply the talkers, are probably one of them.

      I take your point about Clint Eastwood (not my type but then he doesn’t have the attributes that appeal to me) and it is exactly what I meant at that point.

      I’m not quite in agreement with you on the “hubby” front though. That’s because, in the society I’m imagining, the idea of having sex with only one person is not a “normal” or even a natural consideration. You just wouldn’t naturally think about such a thing.

      Nevertheless, I know what you mean and I’m certain that there would be times when any individual would want no one else in bed but one specific (and willing) other – but they just might each have other partners in all other aspects of their lives and those relationships would not be damaged by the fun they had until they had exhausted all the variations of their imaginations, grew tired of the same old body and were ready to move along.

      It’s all a fantasy, of course, but then writers do that – the “what if” aspect of imagination.

      Did you like the link at the end, by the way?? 🙂

  2. […] Maybe Free Love Is The Answer After All « SCANDALOUS – Adam Frayle … […]

  3. A friend of mine years ago told me he would never marry because he did not believe man was intended to be monogamous. I thought it interesting that he chose not to marry because he didnt believe he could be faithful to one person. A dear friend of mine told me his wife has been having an affair for YEARS so I have heard dialogue from both ends of the spectrum. I would never cheat on my Husband because I would get out of my marriage if I was so inclined to be with another. I owe him more respect than to be doing things behind his back. That being said, other people make their own choices in relationships. I do think a society with less greed, envy, fighting would be a step in the right direction.

    • Yes, I understand exactly what you’re saying and you’re right and that really is my point – at present we (generally) offer and expect fidelity as part of a marriage, but if fidelity was neither expected nor offered, then a relationship (including marriage) would not be jeopardised by infidelity, because it would be normal behaviour.

      Let me ask you one thing (I don’t really expect an answer, because it’s none of my business) – even in the current circumstances with our present promises and beliefs – is marriage only about sex, or is it so much more (important though the sex may be)?

      You see what I mean? This is purely a fantasy of course, because we think and feel according to how we were brought up, but if we had grown up with different ideas and were in those other circumstances I’ve suggested…

  4. Has some definite truth to it…for some irony.

    btw,,,we took stuff

  5. Is this kind of like if we legalised drugs and made it socially acceptable to be open about drug taking, then no-one would want to do it as much? I dont know it sounds like too much hard work for me. But then men and women think differently about these things I guess. I just think you do whatever floats your boat as long as everyone is up front and open about their relationships. Then again, if George offered I would have to say yes!Interesting post!

    • Oh, I agree with that almost totally. I’m not sure that men and women think so very differently, though – I sort of think they may simply sometimes just take a different route in getting to the same place. It would just be a whole lot easier to be up front if we didn’t have so many daft ideas about relatively uniportant things to start with.

      There is a lot of evidence to sugget that the drugs thing you mention does actually work quite well – in the end education and core values are SO much more important than stupid rules and legislation that doesn’t and frequently CAN’T work.

      Message from G – just name the time and place, gorgeous!

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