Help Needed

I was looking through some old stuff the other day and came up with this. It appears to me to be as current today as it was more than ten years ago.

Apparently, this was a letter received by one of these computer support organisations from  a guy who’s quite into computers and seems to be having a lot of difficulty. In fact, he seems to be pretty much close to a total systems failure…

Can you please advise me? I’m having some trouble. I’m currently running the latest version of Girlfriend and I’ve been having some problems lately.

I’ve been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 all along as my primary application, and all the girlfriend releases have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won’t crash if you run girlfriend in background mode with the sound turned off, but I’m embarrassed to say I can’t find the switch to turn the sound off. However, if I just run them separately, it works okay.

Girlfriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility. I probably should have stayed with girlfriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance with GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said that I probably didn’t have enough cache to run girlfriend 2.0, and that eventually it would require a Token ring to run properly. He was right — as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself. Shortly after that, I installed girlfriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while.

I very cautiously upgraded to girlfriend 4.0. This time, though, I also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system! Then I tried to run GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature that I didn’t know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of girlfriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions!

The version I have right now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of girlfriend, it is written in some obscure language that I can’t understand, much less customize it. Frankly, I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold plated contacts. And I’ve never liked how GirlFriend is totally “object oriented”.

A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don’t upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did. But soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a “huge resource hog”. It has taken up all of his space, so he can’t load anything else. One of the primary reasons that he upgraded to Wife 1.0 is that it came bundled with FreeSexPlus 1.0. Well, it turns out that the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreesexPlus, particularly the new Plug Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything.

Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw 1.0 which has an automatic pop-up feature that he can’t turn off. I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said that he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete all MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won’t install anyway due to insufficient resources.

What can I do?

I’m not sure what advice he got, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it involved a subscription to “How to become a monk in six weeks”.

😆

Advertisements

6 Responses to “Help Needed”

  1. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Very good, Adam!

    • I thought it was funny, although it’s also true that I think it’s probably a pretty accurate description of a typical male attitude (until he gets serious at least) 😉

  2. Yes, probably a quick kick to the arse.

  3. I’ve got to pass this along to Mr. Peach Tart who is the ultimate computer nerd geek and I mean that in a loving way. He will laugh his ass off too. I loved this.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: