So What’s The Problem With Sex?

What is all this fuss we make about sex? Something that JJ said in this excellent post on her blog (The Fifty Factor) confused me a little – well, it certainly made me question some things I previously took for granted, at least.

Listing some of what she does and doesn’t blog about, Joanna said this, “Generally, I will not blog about… […] Sex. In the event that it could ultimately bite me in the butt should I decide to run for an elected office, I’ll keep this topic to myself.”

Now I don’t know how serious she is about that statement because she can be a very funny lady, but I suspect there’s at least some truth in it. I was… well, I was quite shocked, particularly in view of some of the things she does blog about (often in jest). My surprise was not due to what she said, but more by the realisation that she felt she needed to think that way.

I mean, what is our modern world about? We in the West, in reality if not in name, are currently fighting at least two major wars and suffering casualties; huge earthquakes are devastating whole countries, or so it seems; terrorism is everywhere; politicians appear to be less honest by the day as they steal public money, lie through their teeth about important matters under consideration by the administration in power and much more; huge debates are taking place in the US over healthcare for millions of Americans and (to an outsider at least) the rich v the poor battle seems to get daily closer to them killing each other in the streets, whilst still others are warning of the impending doom that awaits mankind because of global warming…

All that is going on and is just a small sample of the awful state of humanity and, if JJ is right, it looks like the public and their favourite media (and the Brits are just the same) are most concerned about who is sleeping with whom and what they like to do to each other in bed.

As I said once before quite recently, certainly in any sort of critical manner, I try to stay off of the twin dodgy subjects of religion and politics, but really… perlee-ease! How will humanity ever progress if sex is the factor that is going to be the most contentious and important in the world of politics, of all places? It has nothing whatsoever to do with it!

If politicians are screwing me financially, or bureaucratically, then it matters to me! But what they do of a sexual nature to each other, or any other consenting adult, is none of my goddamned business and, frankly, I neither care nor want to know about it!

Maybe Free Love Is The Answer After All

Okay, let’s have a bit of fun… This is just a hypothesis – one slightly off the wall way of looking at something and I should admit right away that there are times when I am fully aware that I haven’t made myself entirely clear. Likewise, there are other occasions when I feel that I’ve made my intentions perfectly plain, but sundry other people seem to delight in misunderstanding me – well, that’s how I see it, on bad days at least.

Anyway… that being so and since this subject is particularly open to all sorts of misinterpretation, I will try to set things out in a bit more orderly fashion than I sometimes do, so please bear with me whilst I put this down one step at a time…

Whatever their standpoint, be it god-fearing, creationist, agnostic, atheist, feminist, male chauvinist, new man/woman or whatever, I imagine there are few people who will not these days accept that humans are not naturally monogamous – I’m not discussing whether they would do anything about that if they are in a relationship, I’m simply referring to their underlying sex drive when unrestrained by convention or belief.

Once they have passed the besotted stage, there can be few people even in a solid and serious relationship who, if they are honest, will not admit that, at some point in time they have looked at another person and thought, “I could get into serious trouble over her/him.” They may do no more than that, perhaps out of respect for their partner, but the thought alone indicates that we are by nature, at some basic level, promiscuous, otherwise such feelings would surely not occur at all.

Hopefully, you’re still with me, because, if we’re going to run with this and we can’t agree on that fundamental premise, then I might as well give up now. So, assuming you’re still reading… You are? Oh good! Then my second suggestion (and I’ve said this before, but it’s one of the many things I don’t think I made myself clear about), is this…

Now, please imagine if you can, a society that is totally different from ours is at present. Think of yourself and everyone else you know as being just as now, but with one vital difference – our make-believe society doesn’t criticise promiscuity in any way at all. It embraces it as absolutely normal, pleasing and beneficial. You’re not changing how you behave, you were brought up believing that people just have sex whenever and wherever they feel like it with whoever they meet and find desirable (if they are willing) and it’s no big deal. Imagine that all of society does this and nobody thinks anything more of it than that sex is just a nice, fun, extremely enjoyable thing you do with friends!

If that were the case, how would that affect our relationships? In what way would couples behave differently towards each other? Well… I’d like to suggest that it would generally improve them out of all recognition!

For a start, men particularly, but women too, would not be looking mainly for a hot piece of ass, which, whatever you think they should be doing, they most certainly are at present! It’s not everything, but it’s way more important than it probably should be and, if it were just a nice bonus and there was no jealousy when she enjoyed favouring others, or he did – because it would be expected and normal – then they would concentrate on things that really matter, like genuine feelings such as love and caring, planning their joint future, raising their family, their hobbies and interests both together and separately and so on. Don’t tell me that most (certainly younger) couples are in love rather than in lust, because I don’t think they can tell the difference – until the initial excitement and newness has worn off, which is when the first seeds of divorce are sown. Take lust out of the equation and people start to get together simply because they want to be together, which is at best often only a part of the attraction at present.

Okay, so that’s just a fantasy society, although it does actually exist – in Zaire – and it’s extremely successful, with far less aggression and violence than we experience in our daily lives. Sex is freely offered, given and received in just about every copulatory position imaginable and is purely for pleasure between males and females, but also female with female and male with male – it’s just fun and no big deal at all! The sex seems to reduce stress and tension and jealousy and envy barely exist.

It is admittedly a tribal society of pygmies and relatively primitive when compared with ours, but it is very successful and, ladies, it is egalitarian at the very least and some consider it to be female dominated! But our petty jealousies and wasted emotions involving sex and who’s having it with whom simply don’t exist, so they can get on with living and enjoying life.

Who are they? They are the Bonobos and they have what is, in some eyes, an almost idyllic society that may well show us the way forward far more than many might at first think. You can read in detail about their happy and free culture starting here…

A Bit On The Side

I was researching divorce and extra marital affair rates and, naturally, that involved some statistics… I’m not entirely sure exactly what I discovered, except to confirm what I already believed – that statistics is probably the most useless and unreliable science on the planet.

When talking about divorce, it’s estimated that the rate is approximately 50%, or heading that way, but I came across this gem on divorcerate.org: “Sociologists believe that childlessness is also a common cause of divorce. The absence of children leads to loneliness and weariness and even in the United States, at least 66 per cent of all divorced couples are childless.” Now there are two pieces of information there… sociologists’ beliefs and the proportion of divorced couples who don’t have kids, but how in hell are  the two linked in any way, shape or form? I can only think of one likely way straight off: it’s one hell of a lot easier to split if you don’t have offspring to consider! I suppose the other possible connection might be that the couples so disliked each other that they never had sex anyway, but how would you prove that?

The really interesting information, though, was related to the figures bandied about for the proportion of married partners who admitted they’ve had an extra marital relationship. My conclusion regarding that was that it depends who you ask, how you ask and probably when…

The figures I came across from different sources ranged from 22% of men and 14% of women admitting to having affairs, to another estimate of an average of 53% across the board, although it was thought that the rate is slightly higher for men than women… and then I spotted this: “90% of Americans think that adultery is morally wrong and 35% think it should be a crime!”

If you analyse that, assuming that all of the 10% who aren’t bothered about the subject are having affairs, does it not appear that something like 12%-41% of Americans think that what they’re doing is morally wrong and probably something over 20% think they themselves should be flung in jail for what they’re doing anyway – duh!

One statement did contain an element of realism though: “The fact is that human beings are NOT monogamous by nature. That means they cheat!”  That, I agree with, but I wonder if the source isn’t just a tad suspect – it purports to be a quotation from a survey undertaken by Playboy Magazine.

Hmmm…

Anyway, all I can say is that it’s only sex anyway, so what’s all the goddamn fuss about for heaven’s sake? It’s about the only thing the flaming government hasn’t figured out a way to tax – yet!

Phrase For Phriday

These Phrases for Phriday are something that I started a while ago in response to a suggestion from one of my readers, the lovely PJ. They (I hope) provide examples of how Brits and Americans (and other English speakers around the world) are often, as the saying goes, divided by a common language.

I prefer to begin these light-hearted posts by admitting right here that I’m not at all sure if these are particularly solely British words and phrases. However, I have to start somewhere and that means making some assumptions… they sound pretty British to me, or to put it another way, these are instances when I believe those Americans and others I mentioned might be tempted to think, “WTF does that mean?”. But I’m providing nothing more here than my personal interpretation of the words in question. Of course, I could be wrong – nothing new there then, either!

~

For today’s phrase, we’re back on the subject of Cockney Rhyming Slang. The phrase is… What a berk, which is a not very nice way of saying, “What an idiot!” However, most people who use it don’t understand the derivation, which is Cockney Rhyming slang – as in: What a Berk – Berkley Hunt and I’ll leave you to figure out the rhyme… Still, although I’ve never heard it, I suppose it might also be used in a more literal form when discussing a young woman with a fine pair of Bristols – Bristol Cities – er… titties (boobs) and her other attractions.

Don’t blame me for the innuendo – The Peach Tart is having a particularly smutty patch on her blog and it kinda got me thinking – ordinarily I never think about sex… Do you believe in fairies by the way?

 

Have a good weekend…  ; )

Celebrity Life

The size and complexity of some celebrity homes absolutely amazes me…

Take this one, which apparently belongs to John Travolta… heaven knows how many rooms, sections, suites and even  houses within houses it contains – and it comes with ”his ‘n’ hers” goddamn planes as well!

Don’t you think it’s perhaps just a touch ostentatious?

 

 

 

Then there’s Tiger Woods’ new pad too…

 

 

How To Call The Police Effectively

So, in a less serious frame of mind, how you call the police can make all the difference as to how well they are able to respond to your call…

Phillip Hewitson, an elderly man, from Norwich, UK, was going up to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go and turn off the light, but saw at once that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?”

He said, “No… but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.”

Then the police dispatcher told him, “All patrols are busy. Just to be safe, you should lock all your doors and an officer will be along in probably an hour or two, when one is available.”

George said, “Okay.”

He hung up the phone and counted to 30.

Then he phoned the police again…

“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Well you don’t have to worry about them now, because I’ve just shot them. There’s no rush anymore.” He hung up again.

Within five minutes, six police cars, a SWAT Team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, a paramedic and an ambulance all showed up at the Hewitson residence and caught the burglars red-handed.

Frowning, one of the Policemen said to Phillip, “I thought you told us that you’d shot them!”

Phillip eyed the young sergeant and said, innocently, “I thought you told me there was nobody available!”

A Question I Feel I Just Have To Ask

This is a serious matter and I apologise right now if I’m going to offend any of the Americans who read my blog because I feel I “know” many of you (to a greater or lesser degree) and, as far as I can tell, you’re all nice, kind and decent people. Some of you are, of course, also gorgeous women (I’m sure you will know who you are) and that worries me even more, since it is not in my nature to intentionally insult any woman, particularly one who is both beautiful and adorable, however much I might disagree with her.

Nevertheless, I feel this question should be asked. Many of you got the President you desired (a heck of a lot of you voted for him) and you are mostly caring and responsible citizens. So, since Barack Obama is the USA’s knight in shining armour and unless it is just the way it appears to me (and a lot of others I’ve spoken to about it)… when do you think America might stop landing endless troops and military hardware on Haiti and do something more positive about organising and distributing the huge amount of food, water and medical supplies that are so desperately needed by the surviving population there and that is unquestionably readily available through the amazing international response that the disaster has produced?

If I’m out of order, or being overly cynical, then I will expect you to tell me, but (from what I’ve read, seen and heard on UK TV and other news sources) it does seem to me that the US perhaps sees this as a golden opportunity to finally take control of Haiti and quell its rebellious attitudes and maybe even to turn it into the fifty first state, but without any of the labour protection laws that mainlanders enjoy?

It’s just a question, but…

Addendum: Please let me make it plain here (since it may not be) I’m not criticising Americans, or even America, I’m simply questioning whether the military is so busy being military that it has lost sight of what’s paramount here and additionally I think it’s right to question the motives of some powerful factions of the US administration…

Men Don’t Understand Women

But then women don’t understand men either and I do often wonder why it is that society currently chastises men for not being more “female like”, or at least female friendly, when it does little to scold women who seem unable to think like men – and like it!

I know that most of my regular female readers are much more open-minded than that, but it’s still a general truth. Take the “dirty old man” expression as an example: if it were to be changed to “dirty old woman”, there would be all sorts of accusations of sexism, ageism and heaven knows what else, but dirty old man? Nah! Not a peep!

Whilst we’re on that subject and since I’m getting older (much too quickly for my liking – where do the years just disappear to), I think it’s a pretty unfair slur on a lot of guys. That matters more to me than it otherwise might because I’m sure it’ll be said of me at some point in the future at least.

I’ve always (as I think some of you know) adored women and, whilst I just like talking, relating and being friends with them, some of them turn me on sexually and some don’t. I can’t help what I find physically attractive, it’s simply a fact of life – part of my make up – part of me! As I’ve also admitted, gorgeous and young, or gorgeous and older is only part of the equation for me and the eyes, the expression, the demeanour and body language are all important and the sulky, petulant look does nothing whatsoever to excite me. But that’s just me, right? Right! Anyway, fit is something that simply does it for me – and that means not too thin and not too fat, although size is hardly a factor, it’s just that fit usually results in exactly that sort of shape.

The problem is, as I might have mentioned way back, I’ve always found that fit thirty to forty year old women are the most likely to be attractive to me and that has never really changed. A decade or so might have been added to that over the years, but then women seem to keep their looks to a much greater age than they once did. Like the fat/thin thing, it’s not really the age, it’s the type, the look, probably the experience of life as well as love that does it for me – as well as the shape, of course.

When I was young, I suppose it could be that I was looking for the more mature, experienced woman. When I was in my middle years, it was pretty much women of my own age group that made me whistle under my breath, but now I’m older… well, I guess I’m becoming a dirty old man.

You know the worst thing, though? It’s probably that I don’t see myself the way young women at least must see me. I frequently look in the mirror in the mornings and ask my reflection, “What’s an old git like you doing in my f*cking bathroom?”

Speaking Of Porn

Well, all right… thinking about it then, which I was… Look! This is a bit personal and maybe even revealing about me, but it’s just between us few and we’re all friends here, right? And I’m a guy, right? Right? OK then… back to my favourite subject – sex!

Anywaaaaaay, I was thinking about porn and that was after glancing through some very explicit pictures that someone had sent me. They were, incidentally, all just of women - very naked and very much on their own – not couples and so on, which don’t greatly appeal to me anyway. In fact, some would probably call it nude art and there was certainly an element of that – it undoubtedly involved some superb photography. However, it was all part of a bit of a joke, (and very funny too, but not one to be aired here, I hasten to add). Oh and, before anyone calls me a liar, yes, I was only glancing through them (mostly fairly uninterestedly as it happens too) and not drooling, as I’m sure some will immediately assume – not that I regard my interest in the female form as being anything but natural, or in any way anything to be embarrassed about.

So, anyways, I digress, I was looking at these photos and it occurred to me that I may be… well, unusual (I prefer to stop short of admitting to peculiar). The reason that thought crossed my mind is that, although the photos were mostly of classically beautiful young women and many were extremely intimate and explicit (and I do mean explicit with close-ups and all), there was only one picture out of a whole bunch that was even remotely “wow!” to me and I tried to figure out why…

I just know this is going to sound daft, not to say weird, to a lot of guys, but the reason was simple – it was in the eyes. Yeah, I know all the old jokes about not looking at the mantelshelf while you’re poking the fire, but that for me, was a fact!

Sure, I can look at the rear view of a woman and say “Nice ass!” – if I know her well and we’re friends I might even say it out loud, but just in a photo of a stranger it’s rare for me to find anything really exciting about a picture that doesn’t include the eyes. Yet it’s not even solely the eyes – it’s the look in the eyes and even the woman’s whole expression.

So, there you have it… What? Oh, the one that turned me on… Well, it was certainly, as I’ve said, explicit, but this young woman wasn’t exactly classically beautiful, yet she was to me absolutely gorgeous and her whole expression was… natural, I guess. She was uninhibited, which I like – totally confident in her nudity – but not trying to be especially sexy and yet her expression and her eyes – oh, those eyes – somehow said, “Come on, honey. Let’s just go to bed, shall we?”

Yeah, right! I wish!

It does, though, support what I’ve always believed – that sexual chemistry is the most important element in sexual attraction and the most highly erogenous zone for all of us is the mind…

Phrase For Phriday

These Phrases for Phriday are something that I started a while ago in response to a suggestion from one of my readers, the lovely PJ. They (I hope) provide examples of how Brits and Americans (and other English speakers around the world) are often, as the saying goes, divided by a common language.

I prefer to begin these light-hearted posts by admitting right here that I’m not at all sure if these are particularly solely British words and phrases. However, I have to start somewhere and that means making some assumptions… they sound pretty British to me, or to put it another way, these are instances when I believe those Americans and others I mentioned might be tempted to think, “WTF does that mean?”. But I’m providing nothing more here than my personal interpretation of the words in question. Of course, I could be wrong – nothing new there then, either!

~

Today’s phrase is…

I wouldn’t touch it with a barge pole, which I guess is probably quite understandable to a lot of you, even though it’s an English expression. A barge pole is a ten foot or more long pole that was used to push barges along canals once upon a time and the phrase simply means that something is so undesirable to you that you don’t even want to get that close to it – such as modern banking and investment advice, or a political career perhaps…

An example might be, “He’s spent the last five years living it up in Thailand. I’m not touching it with a barge pole until I see the results of a medical!”

Have a good weekend…